Is Marriage Bad for Your Sex Life?

Wondering what's ailing your once rocking sex life post marriage? It could be the marriage itself. Yes, according to a recent survey, the very fact that they are married can take a toll on a couple's sex life. In the survey, conducted on 3,000 married people, it was found that their sex lives did not remain the same after a few years into the marriage.
Researchers found that though, initially, couples can expect to have sex more than four times a week, after three years of life as man and wife, most couples are lucky to have sex just once every seven days. Up to one third of the married people interviewed admitted that they no longer fancied their partner as much as they did in the early days and a whopping 43 per cent even claimed that their loved one had let themselves go.
It also emerged six out of ten couples believe marriage has completely ruined the excitement of having sex. Under half of all married people said their relationship with their partner is more that of friends than lovers. The poll shows 59 per cent of couples believe their sex life has worsened since marriage because they no longer make an effort with each other any more and a third no longer fancy their partner as much as they did in the early days. Unfortunately, eight in ten couples admitted to being in a sexual rut - having sex at the same time, in the same place and in the same positions every time they sleep together.
In fact, 79 per cent of people are happier getting a good night's sleep than making the effort to have spontaneous sex in the middle of the night. Two thirds of couples blamed their hectic lifestyle for their terrible sex life and 80 per cent claimed they were often too tired to bother about any 'action between the sheets' once the day was over. Seven in ten people also admitted that they might be inclined to make love more often if their partner made more of an effort romantically. "Unfortunately, while you can be deeply in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, it is also possible to want more from the relationship.
A partner might be supportive, funny, intelligent, and kind, but if they don't inspire confidence in the bedroom, or don't meet expectations sexually, life can be frustrating," a spokesman of the study was quoted saying. Dr Minnu R Bhonsle, psychotherapist and counsellor attributes the decline in couples sex lives to two basic factors - either emotional distancing or physical fatigue. "If it's a case of emotional distancing, it's mainly because of accumulated issues that have remained unresolved. Hence, the partner doesn't feel connected to the other and stops responding to the his/her overtures. As for physical fatigue it could be due to a variety of reasons - fatigue at work, tiredness trying to maintain a balance between work, home and kids.
As a result, fatigue overrides their sex life." "Most young people are seized with a wrong notion that sex life is different from marriage. In reality, sexual relationship is essential and a healthy part of a marriage. Sex needs commitment and connectivity and that is where most young people find themselves lacking the adequate energy or inclination," opines Dr Rajiv Anand, marriage counsellor. According to him, it is not the sexual act that loses novelty or attraction after marriage but the approach of the people involved. So what's the solution?
"If it's a case of physical fatigue, couples should engage in scheduled sex. They must plan weekend getaways or make arrangements to leave the child with a babysitter or relatives and plan a night out where they could probably get home early from work and then just concentrate on spending time with each other. If it's an issue of emotional distancing, communication is the only solution.
Couples need to talk things out with each other in a non-toxic way," says Dr Minnu. Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and psychotherapist opines that it is more important to get down to the root cause of the issue than just search for quick fix solutions. "Sex is an important part of marriage and the lack of it could indicate issues in the marriage.
A declining sex life is a symptom, it's just the tip of the iceberg. One needs to find answers to why there is no sex? Is it because there is no chemistry in the relationship or is there no relationship at all? Are the partners too tired or stressed out? Does one partner feel that she or he is no longer attractive to the other? Is one's spouse attracted to someone else? If it's just boredom, couples need to make sex a priority. If they are too tired to have sex at night, do it in the morning. If lack of privacy is the issue, couple need to make time for themselves. Most importantly, couples need to tell each other what they want. Your partner is not a magician to magically figure out your wants and needs," she explains.