Showing posts with label After a Break Up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label After a Break Up. Show all posts

Monday, February 28, 2011

What To Do When A Man Won't Open to You





Have you ever just sensed that something was off with your man, but you didn’t know what? Of course, he wouldn’t talk to you about it or tell you. He was just quiet and withdrawn. Trying to figure out what your man is thinking can be maddening. So what can a woman do to avoid a "Withdrawal Response" in the first place? And how can a woman deal with this unfortunately common situation in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place together?
Step 1: Identify His Triggers
You might notice a pattern to his withdrawal, if you pay close attention. When does your man tend to clam up? Is it when work gets hectic? Is it during rough times financially? Is it when he doesn’t know how to answer you? Your first, and most important step, is getting him to address this for himself if it’s a real and recurring issue.
That way you don’t have to take it on. What helps with this is identifying WHAT it is that triggers his withdrawal response in the first place, and then simply pointing it out to him. When you understand what triggers a man to withdraw, you can avoid being caught off guard or get carried away wondering what's going on. Just knowing more about how and when a man withdraws will keep you and your relationship in a better emotional state.
Step 2: Separate Stimulus from Response
The definition of being OUT OF CONTROL in your life is when you allow anything outside yourself to control your inner emotional state. If you let a man’s emotional state determine how you feel and act…then you’re allowing yourself to become out of control. Sometimes a man’s negative or distant emotional state is not about you. If a man acts distant, but you otherwise have a loving relationship you’re confident about, it might just be that he needs that time to himself to unwind.
If you make the mistake of taking this personally, and make negative meaning out of his emotional state, it’s going to lead to conflict and put you in a REACTIVE mode. On the other hand…if you choose to not take his distance personally, and allow a man some temporary space, something amazing can happen. Knowing that he’s free to take some space, a man will often end up opening up more than he ever has before.
Step 3: Use “Non-Situational Honesty”
It’s up to you to let the man in your life know what your ideal relationship is, and how you want to communicate. Sharing what you value, and what you need to feel good in your relationship, couldn’t be more important. The problem is we often times get into relationships before we ever really discuss or share what it is we REALLY WANT.  Hint: Talking about what you want with a man by continually pointing out how he’s NOT giving you what you want is likely to never help you get to where you want to be.
The best way to create a shift in your relationship, and to open up better communication, starts with a simple tool I call “Non-Situational Honesty.” This is where your communication isn’t coming from the place where you’ve been emotionally “triggered” by something painful or negative, but where you’re simply honest about the positive things you want in the future. If you can remove this “triggered” energy from behind your words, and instead talk about what you DO WANT, rather than WHAT YOU DON’T WANT that isn’t working…you’ll be amazed at the different response you get from a man.
If you want a man to open up…stop, take a deep breath, and visualize the positive outcome you want in your relationship and with your man. If you can do this, everything else will start to fall into place.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP AFTER YOU GET DUMPED

So, you have been dumped. While you are well aware that you are better off without him or her, there is an aching pain in your heart that misses them and wishes you were still together. Perhaps you just miss the routine and convenience of doing things together and don’t know how to keep yourself occupied.

Unfortunately, many of us tend to make mistakes when trying to get over a recent break up. This not only prolongs the recovery process but also makes it even more heart breaking to deal with. Figuring out how to manage your time after getting dumped is crucial in order to have a quick recovery and move on with your love life. These lessons are important to follow, so breaking up isn’t so hard to do.
Breakup Tip #1Do not: shut yourself away from your friends.

While you may be tempted to lock yourself in a room and listen to sad breakup music, resist the urge. It is also not a good idea to call his or her cell phone to listen to the recorded message repeatedly, or listen to ‘your song.’

Friends can provide supportive advice and make you smile even at your most depressed times. By shutting yourself away in your bedroom you will only elevate your emotional status and feel sorry for yourself.

Give your friends a chance to take you out and talk about it. Whether it is a trip to an ice-cream parlor or to a dance club, a change of scenery can take your mind off your recent breakup. Sometimes friends and fun are the only way to take your mind off negative experiences.

Remember, everyone has been through rejection at some point in their life and talking about your experiences with people you trust can make hard times more tolerable.
Breakup Tip #2
Do: Hide old pictures and banish the stuffed animals he/she gave to you.

This step involves distancing yourself from the symbols that represent your relationship. On top of that, organize all the e mails you sent to one another in a separate folder, titled ‘ignore.’ If you really want to, you can even delete them.

All these items did at one point have sentimental value; however, now you must move on. This step isn’t possible unless you let go of some memories. It isn’t necessarily to burn the pictures of your happy couple days but piling them into a shoe box out of your direct view will help you forget about your ex-partner. Some degree of separation is fundamental in moving on with your life. If you keep staring at pictures of the happy couple days, you will only be reminiscing about the past – unable to move on to the future.
Breakup Tip #3
Do not: Throw eggs at his car, kidnap her dog or leave nasty messages on his answering machine.


Okay, so that may be a little more than you would do anyway, but you get the idea.

Being mature is a difficult task when dealing with a breakup. However, regardless of how the relationship ended, refrain from scheming creative ways to make their life miserable. Getting dumped sucks, but try to look at the situation from a positive perspective: If your partner didn’t really care about you, then the relationship was not worth it and it’s time to move on with your love life.

Now, put the cap back on the permanent marker and move away from his car.
Breakup Tip #4
Do: Give new people a chance to get to know you.
Everyone needs a transition period of being alone after a breakup. This is often referred to as being ‘on the rebound.’ However, dwelling on your past breakup for too long can make you feel lonely and depressed. During the recovery process, sometimes the sooner you meet another partner, the sooner you can forget about what happened in the past and give love another chance.

Spending your evenings alone, in fear of being dumped again is not only a waste of time but it also gives your former mate the satisfaction to observe that you are still heartbroken. Getting back into the dating world is an important step in moving on with your life.

After dealing with a breakup, you might be more selective in the type of man/woman you are looking for and your standards might be elevated to a new level. Good for you! Use the experience and everything you have learned about yourself to meet someone who is perfect for you.
 
Remember love takes time
Letting your heart heal takes time, especially after a heart wrenching breakup. Keep in mind that we are all strong enough to easily recover from a breakup if we truly have the desire to move on.

Men and women often spend too much time figuring out what went wrong in their past relationship. Forget about vandalizing his new convertible or kidnapping her new puppy. Instead, concentrate on what to wear to the singles bar tonight.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Avoid a Love Break Up



To love and to be loved are some of the most beautiful emotions and equally painful is a love break up. Once you are out of a relationship and reflect back on what went wrong, you will be surprised to realize that all the signs of breaking of the relationship were right in front of your eyes which you carelessly ignored or probably didn’t recognize. So here are some facts that will help you decide if you are heading for a love break up, how it can be avoided and ways you can get back together.

So, how can you sense the first signs of a love break up? There would be a definite decrease in your physical contacts. There will also be a sudden reluctance in engaging in physical intimacy, lesser hugs and no longer time to exchange even quick kisses. Every relationship sees ups and downs, hectic work schedules often may have an impact on your sex life which is normal but total abstinence is definitely an alarming signal.

The Magic of Making Up can surely assist you to smell the signs of love break up and help you amend them. Love break up may be round the corner if you are no longer keen on holding hands while taking a walk and suddenly there is no surge of adrenalin just at the sight of your partner. Giving a comforting hug or putting arms around a shoulder if appears like a thing from the past then you should surely start thinking of ways to rejuvenate your relationship. If your partner had been a loving companion before this spells more trouble.

A touch conveys a lot of message. If you notice a sudden flinching at your merest touch you need to have a heart to heart talk with your partner as to what is going wrong and are you heading towards a love break up. Though before pushing the alarm button you need to understand there might be other reasons for your partner to avoid contact for example he may be preoccupied with office work or may get a jolt at a sudden touch if you are not too affectionate by nature. How to differentiate between different moods could be well understood by taking help of  The Magic of Making Up. You can also understand that a person’s behavior may only be temporary due to some stress or may be because of ill health. Give them some time before making a hasty decision that your relationship is headed for a doom.

Caught your partner lying, well a simple harmless prank may not be a sign of love breakup. But yes if there is a continuous flow of small lies then it can definitely lead to big damages to any relationship. But before making any decision think rationally as people often lie when they plan to surprise their partners by throwing a party. So give your partner a benefit of doubt before thinking of anything ominous such as love breakup.

So, take comforting advice from The Magic of Making Up and understand the early signs of love breakup which can help you to save your loving relationships.

Getting Back Together After a Break Up

Already missing your sweetheart after that nasty fight that led to break up? So, you are really keen in getting back together after a break up but are skeptical about how to break the ice? Well the golden rule to succeed in any relationship is that don’t follow any strict  rules but yes there are certain tips that can surely help you mend differences and rekindle the romance. When thinking of getting back together after a break up, the very first requirement is to analyze the root cause which led you to take a drastic decision of going separate ways. This will surely help you in searching for the right solutions that will assist in you winning back the love of your life.

 



Making a phone call to chat with your ex may not be the best first move if you are determined to getting back together after a break up. Instead, you may seek help from The Magic of Making Up which inspires you not to be a weeping Romeo and rather utilize some magical ways to earn the love and confidence of your dream partner back. So, if you are committed about getting back together after a break up, here are three tricks to help you achieve your mission successfully:
couple on bed

1.   Look Forward for the Past is All Gone

To become successful in any relationship you don’t have to hug the past. Browsing pages of  The Magic of Making Up makes you realize that you have to accept the fact that you both are no longer together. This is the first important step towards healing and which will give you the much needed push to look at your relationship from a fresh perspective which will increase your chances of getting back together after a break up. Also stop thinking about what bad had happened in the past as this will only make the things tougher for you, instead think about the sweet memories that you have shared together which is urging you to make a move that will help you in getting back together after a break up.

2.   Decision in Haste will Make Your Attempt GO Waste

As soon as you start pining for your sweetheart and realize that you have made the mistake, don’t jump at the cradle and start dialing the number. You both have been through a rough patch and need time to think things over. Give time to yourself to think rationally and also the things to normalize before making that important first call in your attempt to getting back together after a break up.

3.   Take Your Time to Win Back The Love

So, you have analyzed and thought of giving your relationship a fresh chance. Well, The Magic of Making Up recommends making the new beginnings with a positive frame of mind, leaving behind the grudges and also not raking up issues as to who was at fault. Start with a good friendship and then use it as a foundation to build up a rock solid relationship.

A little bit of care, lot of positive energy and ample patience are the keys of getting back together after a break up.