Love Before Marriage

Love before marriage is a fruit which is ripening. It needs to be nurtured properly so that it ripens in the best manner possible. All the same, there are chances of its being exposed to a few dangers too but then chances are that these things help it to become a better fruit.
Love before marriage has many features which make it unique, some of them are:

You are still single:

Before marriage, even though you are into a relationship, you are still single. You need to fend for yourself emotionally and physically! Your partner may be around you to comfort and spend time but you perceive the world as a single. Although you slowly begin to get into a mindset of a married person, you are still not there completely.

Change in lifestyle:

Before marriage, a person is his /her own self. He/ she does not change the way of living because the institution of marriage has no binding on the individual. In other words, the person is a free bird, free to act according to his/her will and to do what he /she feels is in the best of his/her interest.

Decision making:

Decision making is entirely a one person's job although you might be dating seriously. This means that even the smallest of decisions would be taken by you and you would hold the reins completely of what is good and bad for you.
The other side of this issue is the impact of your decision making does not have an impact on your partner for you are not into a relationship as yet.

Pamper yourself:

Before marriage you have the distinction of pampering yourself by doing things which you like the most. This could be wearing your favorite set of clothes or hanging out at your favorite restaurant. You do care for your partner with whom you are into a relationship but that element of sharing does not exist.

Commitment:

The degree of commitment is also less before marriage. One could say that pre marriage is the period that people are into the process of committing themselves to their partner's interests. That apart, you still answerable to yourself for your actions and deeds and no one else is involved in the picture. These decisions could vary from your personal to your professional sphere. The commitments one has also do not undergo a great deal of change and remain more or less confined to the interests of the individual as against after marriage.

Physical intimacy:

Intimacy does exist but you do not share a part of your self emotionally and physically with another person. Generally people are in the process of getting this act together before marriage.

Read more »

Love Before Marriage

Love before marriage is a fruit which is ripening. It needs to be nurtured properly so that it ripens in the best manner possible. All the same, there are chances of its being exposed to a few dangers too but then chances are that these things help it to become a better fruit.
Love before marriage has many features which make it unique, some of them are:

You are still single:

Before marriage, even though you are into a relationship, you are still single. You need to fend for yourself emotionally and physically! Your partner may be around you to comfort and spend time but you perceive the world as a single. Although you slowly begin to get into a mindset of a married person, you are still not there completely.

Change in lifestyle:

Before marriage, a person is his /her own self. He/ she does not change the way of living because the institution of marriage has no binding on the individual. In other words, the person is a free bird, free to act according to his/her will and to do what he /she feels is in the best of his/her interest.

Decision making:

Decision making is entirely a one person's job although you might be dating seriously. This means that even the smallest of decisions would be taken by you and you would hold the reins completely of what is good and bad for you.
The other side of this issue is the impact of your decision making does not have an impact on your partner for you are not into a relationship as yet.

Pamper yourself:

Before marriage you have the distinction of pampering yourself by doing things which you like the most. This could be wearing your favorite set of clothes or hanging out at your favorite restaurant. You do care for your partner with whom you are into a relationship but that element of sharing does not exist.

Commitment:

The degree of commitment is also less before marriage. One could say that pre marriage is the period that people are into the process of committing themselves to their partner's interests. That apart, you still answerable to yourself for your actions and deeds and no one else is involved in the picture. These decisions could vary from your personal to your professional sphere. The commitments one has also do not undergo a great deal of change and remain more or less confined to the interests of the individual as against after marriage.

Physical intimacy:

Intimacy does exist but you do not share a part of your self emotionally and physically with another person. Generally people are in the process of getting this act together before marriage.

Read more »

Do You Want to Attract Men Towards You

Whether you are single and want to get into a relationship or you just want to flirt with men, you need to attract them to you to meet your goal. It is mostly thought that women are experts in this field and attracting people to themselves come naturally to them. Whereas the fact is that this is nothing but a notion or a misconception.

Many women are not so good in this game of attraction or dating and hence need advice and guidance. So if you want to learn the tricks of attracting men to you, then read on for some useful tips.

First know and discover yourself. Discover your strongest points or your assets and flaunt them. If you have big eyes or long dark hair then highlight them and draw attention to them.
Always look good. This is not only vital but absolutely essential. Dress well, use good make up and look and smell fresh. Men are said to be superficial as they tend to go by looks. Whereas science has a different explanation as to why men choose their partners by looks. Whatever it may be, looks are to be given the top most priority when it is about attracting men and therefore do not ignore this point even by mistake.
Perfumes can play an important role in attracting men. Use a fragrance which is feminine, soft and yet a bit seductive.
Smile, look happy and confident. Smile is always effective in drawing people towards you. We all are drawn towards people who look happy and confident. Men are especially appreciative of confident women. So use these to your advantage.
Do not hesitate to express your individuality or your sense of freedom. Men love women with these qualities and will automatically be drawn towards you.
Make yourself mysterious to men. Let them keep guessing about you and never reveal yourself fully to them. The more you are able to generate curiosity about you in a man, the more he is drawn towards you.
Use your body language tactfully. Gain attention or create interest among men with the correct use of your body language. Apart from these, while speaking to men, listen to them and what they have to say. Take interest in their interests and laugh at their jokes, even if you may not find it worthy of it. Slight flirting is also a hit formula of attracting men.

Read more »

How to Get Through to the Opposite Sex

Do you ever feel your sweetie doesn’t understand what you’re saying? It could be a simple difference in gendercommunication styles.

What caused your last argument? Are the words you said the same ones your sweetie heard? It’s no secret that storms between women and men linger at the intersection of loving and living. You may find yourself asking, “Earth to sweetie, what must I do to get through to you?”

Here are 4 gender communication pitfalls with tips on how to avoid falling into them. While all men and women are not all the same, using just one of these tips the next time you disagree may reap relationship riches.

Pitfall 1: Men can separate sex from love, but women think that sex IS love.

A recent study found that a large percentage of women have sex for the sheer pleasure of it. Duh! But the study ignored the posturing of the genders AFTER sex occurs. Women ask me how they can push a guy towards permanence. The bonding hormone oxytocin, which gals have in far greater supply, drives women to bond with a man. But the male tortoise that tottered toward commitment now darts like a cheetah toward the cave. He feels invaded while she feels evaded. Hey guys, lighten up! The female black widow spider usually fails in her attempts to eat her mate after sex!!

Steve told Jackie he didn’t want to get serious. But since he was living at her home on weekends, she thought he would come around. Because Jackie kept pushing the issue, the couple ended up splitting for good.

My Advice: Yes, we know that talk is cheap, but if someone says the same thing to you over and over again, you need to listen! As my Gilda-Gram says, “If any partner feels s/he is in maximum security lockup, your relationship is doomed.” Sex is sex and nothing more — unless BOTH partners agree to change the script.

Pitfall 2: Men talk deals, women talk details.

Words have different purposes for the two genders. Women use them to solicit rapport, while men use them for gathering and disseminating information. In fact, men may accuse women of talking too much, but research shows that men actually talk more.

Lauren missed Fred after not seeing him for awhile. As soon as they got together again, she blabbed non-stop, describing every detail of the time they spent apart. While Lauren just wanted to include Fred in her life, his mind was screaming, “Damn! Does she ever shut up?” Unable to tolerate her constant chatter, Fred left Lauren in his rearview mirror. Lauren never knew why.

My Advice: Before pitching your message, assess your honey’s receptivity. Ladies, when your guy walks in and asks how your day was, ask him, “Do you want it in male talk or female talk?” Usually, he’ll choose the former, so offer a synopsis. Your feelings will remain intact while he goes off to unwind. Later, you can fill him in on any important details.

Pitfall 3: Women deliver “like-me” language, while men argue their points.

“Like-me” language preps the “nice girl” to ingratiate herself and avoid offense. Statements with a question added to the end (“The movie was good, wasn’t it?”) avoid issuing a judgment on the speaker’s behalf. Hedging phrases (such as “I think” or “kind of”) avoid imposing an opinion. In contrast, men blurt out their thoughts without subterfuge and tend to compete in one-upping each other.

Nice girl Traci was furious that each time she argued with Ralph, he insisted that if they broke up, he’d find someone else before she did. This was his aggressive repartee, a style guys customarily use without taking anything personally. After I explained to Traci that this was a gender distinction, not a slap in her proverbial face, she was able to laugh off Ralph’s competitive edge talk. Her new attitude softened all their future disagreements, and they’re now planning their wedding.

My Advice: Observe how the genders speak within themselves as a group. Know the stereotypes, honor the differences and laugh them off, just as Traci did.

Pitfall 4: Men want to fix women’s problems, but women just want to share.

When Marilyn brought her work problems home to Alan, he proceeded to tell her how to solve them. Unfortunately, all Marilyn wanted was to vent to someone with whom she felt “safe.” In my own relationship, I told my seasoned businessman boyfriend (whom I’ll call “Studly”) that I was looking to expand my consulting firm. Studly then escorted me to various booths at a trade show, introducing me to anyone who would listen. He’d begin by saying, “This young lady would like to…” as though I were a mute 10-year-old. “Hey,” I told him, “I’m an adult woman, I have a legitimate Ph.D., years of corporate consulting experience and I can SPEAK FOR MYSELF!” Studly thought he was “fixing” my dilemma and had acted with the best of intentions. He had no idea why I was so upset until I explained.

Ladies, know what you’re after before you unload. If you just want to vent, tell your partner that exactly. Guys, if your lady doesn’t tell you what she’d like your role to be, ASK HER before you provide solutions to the problem at hand. Women typically don’t want to take your directions any more than you like asking for them.

Read more »

Improve Your Sex Life Fast and Safely

Your sex life is one important aspect in your relationship or you married life, and at times, a stale sex life can even can even bring a relationship down. If you want to improve your sex life or make something new to pleasure your partner, you can actually learn a lot with research.
If you want to improve your sex life and please your partner more, you have to firstly think of how you can bring your partner to orgasm. Of course, that is one ingredient on how to have the best sex and how to satisfy your partner. But of course, one can still enjoy sex without orgasm, and this is particularly true to women.
For more details on how you can improve your sex life, here are a few tips and ideas that you might want to explore for you to explore how to give and enjoy the best sex. - Know yours partner's body and be familiar and comfortable with yours as well. Of course, the best sex comes from knowing where to touch your partner and what makes him feel aroused and satisfied during lovemaking.
Different people may have different preferences when it comes to touching and getting turned on, thus you have to think of a way to be able to know where he wants to be touched. This can be a little challenge for a man though, as women are more reserved when it comes to what they want during sex. If you are a man wanting to give the best sex to your woman, you have to be gentle and make the woman comfortable enough to talk to you about what she wants. Of course, this is not just a man's responsibility.
For a woman to enjoy the best sex, she has to learn to be open to her partner when it comes to what she wants. - Learn the art of dirty talking. Dirty talking is indeed one good way to bring your sex life up to the next level. Although this can be a little tricky, as awkward dirty talking can turn off some people, you have to learn and practice to be able to master it.
This can also be a good way to make your partner tell you what she wants - which is useful for women to let their partners know what can satisfy her. If you are a woman who is not so comfortable about telling your partner on how you can be satisfied, dirty talking can be a great way to communicate during sex - but the key is to practice even before blurting out those dirty talks.
Explore new positions every time you make love to your partner. Men in particular, love to have something new to lovemaking, so if you are a woman trying to improve your sex life, you can start by learning and changing positions every time. Of course, adding an element of surprise to your lovemaking can be a turn-on to your man. If you are a man wanting to give the best sex to your partner, learn how you can make your woman reach orgasm.
Sex should not be limited to what you want from your partner but of course, what you can give. You will eventually find out that giving her an orgasm will also please you, boost your ego and of course arouse you as well.

Read more »

Is Marriage Bad for Your Sex Life?

Wondering what's ailing your once rocking sex life post marriage? It could be the marriage itself. Yes, according to a recent survey, the very fact that they are married can take a toll on a couple's sex life. In the survey, conducted on 3,000 married people, it was found that their sex lives did not remain the same after a few years into the marriage.
Researchers found that though, initially, couples can expect to have sex more than four times a week, after three years of life as man and wife, most couples are lucky to have sex just once every seven days. Up to one third of the married people interviewed admitted that they no longer fancied their partner as much as they did in the early days and a whopping 43 per cent even claimed that their loved one had let themselves go.
It also emerged six out of ten couples believe marriage has completely ruined the excitement of having sex. Under half of all married people said their relationship with their partner is more that of friends than lovers. The poll shows 59 per cent of couples believe their sex life has worsened since marriage because they no longer make an effort with each other any more and a third no longer fancy their partner as much as they did in the early days. Unfortunately, eight in ten couples admitted to being in a sexual rut - having sex at the same time, in the same place and in the same positions every time they sleep together.
In fact, 79 per cent of people are happier getting a good night's sleep than making the effort to have spontaneous sex in the middle of the night. Two thirds of couples blamed their hectic lifestyle for their terrible sex life and 80 per cent claimed they were often too tired to bother about any 'action between the sheets' once the day was over. Seven in ten people also admitted that they might be inclined to make love more often if their partner made more of an effort romantically. "Unfortunately, while you can be deeply in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, it is also possible to want more from the relationship.
A partner might be supportive, funny, intelligent, and kind, but if they don't inspire confidence in the bedroom, or don't meet expectations sexually, life can be frustrating," a spokesman of the study was quoted saying. Dr Minnu R Bhonsle, psychotherapist and counsellor attributes the decline in couples sex lives to two basic factors - either emotional distancing or physical fatigue. "If it's a case of emotional distancing, it's mainly because of accumulated issues that have remained unresolved. Hence, the partner doesn't feel connected to the other and stops responding to the his/her overtures. As for physical fatigue it could be due to a variety of reasons - fatigue at work, tiredness trying to maintain a balance between work, home and kids.
As a result, fatigue overrides their sex life." "Most young people are seized with a wrong notion that sex life is different from marriage. In reality, sexual relationship is essential and a healthy part of a marriage. Sex needs commitment and connectivity and that is where most young people find themselves lacking the adequate energy or inclination," opines Dr Rajiv Anand, marriage counsellor. According to him, it is not the sexual act that loses novelty or attraction after marriage but the approach of the people involved. So what's the solution?
"If it's a case of physical fatigue, couples should engage in scheduled sex. They must plan weekend getaways or make arrangements to leave the child with a babysitter or relatives and plan a night out where they could probably get home early from work and then just concentrate on spending time with each other. If it's an issue of emotional distancing, communication is the only solution.
Couples need to talk things out with each other in a non-toxic way," says Dr Minnu. Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and psychotherapist opines that it is more important to get down to the root cause of the issue than just search for quick fix solutions. "Sex is an important part of marriage and the lack of it could indicate issues in the marriage.
A declining sex life is a symptom, it's just the tip of the iceberg. One needs to find answers to why there is no sex? Is it because there is no chemistry in the relationship or is there no relationship at all? Are the partners too tired or stressed out? Does one partner feel that she or he is no longer attractive to the other? Is one's spouse attracted to someone else? If it's just boredom, couples need to make sex a priority. If they are too tired to have sex at night, do it in the morning. If lack of privacy is the issue, couple need to make time for themselves. Most importantly, couples need to tell each other what they want. Your partner is not a magician to magically figure out your wants and needs," she explains.

Read more »

HOW TO SPOT A CHEATING LOVER

Commitment is a traditionally notorious word among men, even though we crave it just as much as women. Nothing in the world compares to living with the person you love, to knowing that you’ll always have someone in your corner. Yet too many men express fear of commitment, and women have dealt with this frustration for generations.

So how do you know if your boyfriend has commitment issues? Here are eight of the most common red flags for commitment issues.

1. He won’t stay over. Men who have commitment issues rarely will spend the night because that betrays commitment. Instead, he’ll slink out of bed after sex, get dressed, and go home to his own apartment or house. Likewise, he won’t ask you to stay over at his place.

2. He wont talk about the relationship. Men who don’t fear commitment have no problem with discussing the direction and intensity of relationship. Conversely, men who have commitment issues will shy away from that discussion, no matter what the consequences.

3. He is open about his interest in other women. Almost as if proud of their commitment issues, men who don’t want to commit will openly discuss women they find attractive. They might also leave women’s phone numbers where you’re likely to find them, or even casually mention having a date with another woman.

4. He flinches at the word marriage. Men with commitment issues won’t discuss marriage, and might even break out into a cold sweat at its mention.

5. He won’t introduce you to his friends. Men sometimes feel that putting their friends with their girlfriends is akin to relationship suicide, but typically, men who won’t introduce you simply don’t feel that you’ll be around long enough for it to matter.

6. He won’t meet your friends. Men who have commitment issues want to keep the relationship as private as possible. They fear getting too close, which can certainly mean commitment, so they’ll only want to get together when it’s just you and him.

7. He wants to stay in a lot. Men who base relationships on sex, and sex alone, will want to stay in rather than go out. They don’t want to introduce you to friends, and they don’t really want to be seen together. This is a big red flag for commitment issues.

8. He won’t talk about the future. Commitment issues keep a man from wanting to discuss the future: next month, next week, or even tomorrow night! They like to live by the moment and don’t want to count on the fact that you’ll be around tomorrow.

Read more »

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK

Long-distance relationships can be extremely hard. Not only is it difficult because you can not see or talk to your partner as frequently as usual, but practically everyone you meet will have a horror story about how a long-distance relationship failed for them. I once read that absence diminishes small love and increases great ones. Keep this in mind when you are going through rough times. If you have not yet committed to a long-distance relationship and are contemplating it, know that it is a huge commitment. Make sure that you really love the other person and that it is worth it for you to make certain sacrifices. Below are some guidelines to make it work.

1. Be honest about what you expect from each other.  Do you want the freedom to date other people? Are you comfortable with your partner making friends with the opposite sex? Are you going to try the long-distance thing out and stick with it if it seems to work, but not try to force the relationship? Discuss these things with your partner and be honest about your expectations. This way, everything is out in the open and it will lessen the suspicions you have about the other person. Also, you never have to question if you are crossing a boundary.

2. Coordinate your schedules. Be realistic about the time commitment you can give each other. If it works for both of your schedules, plan on talking at a particular time at night. However, this can place stress on you if you end up wanting to go out with friends and your long-distance partner is not understanding about your need to be social and branch out, or gets jealous of the time you spend with other people. No matter what, try to keep in touch daily through phone calls, E-mail, AIM, or other means. Download Skype, net2phone, or phonefree. Its free to talk online if you both download programs like these ... no matter where you are. Also, consider a web cam for a more personal connection.

3. Make plans in advance to see each other in person.  If you set firm dates to see each other and stick to them, it makes the wait less difficult because you can spend time planning outings with your partner and looking forward to seeing them. When you mutually agree on certain times to see each other, it lessens problems that can arise from one person feeling like they are pressuring the other into seeing them and the other feeling like the are too busy and are pushing away from the relationship because of the pressure.

4. Arrange to participate in long-distance activities together. Meet online to play games against each other or watch a television show at the same time. Also, try “virtual dates” Send you partner an E-mail describing a place (for example, a beach) and a time (dusk). Ask them to describe what kind of date they would have with your in this setting ,what you would wear, talk about, eat, what activities you would take part in, etc. Doing little activities like this together helps you to reconnect and remember the day-to-day fun you used to have.

5. Do not make issues larger than they actually are. In long-distance relationships, communication can be very difficult. Avoid fighting over small issues ... with the communication barriers, these small things can turn into big fights. Agree to disagree when it looks like you aren’t making any progress. In these types of relationships, you are bound to have feelings of uncertainty and doubt. Don’t make any drastic changes unless you are absolutely positive that things aren’t working. Threatening to break up every time you two are going through a rough patch wont help the situation at all, particularly if you aren’t serious about ending it. Do communicate honestly about problems that you are having with the long-distance situation, but do it in a manner that is constructive and problem-solving.

6. Surprise them. Send flowers or chocolates to your partner’s office. For an extra-special treat, Fed-Ex them food from their favorite restaurant back home. Send cards for no reason and E-mails just to let them know that you are thinking about them.

7. Share the details of your life. Talk about the little things that happen in your day. Keep your partner informed about what you are up to at work and socially. Call your partner for advice. When you had the chance to spend more time together, you talked about these things, right? It will help maintain a sense of normalcy and a sense of trust between the two of you.

8. Focus on the future. A long-distance relationship will not work forever. Make plans to live in the same city as soon as possible. Ambiguity about the future will add tension and doubt.

9. Never assume the worst. If your partner is late calling you one day or you hear someone else’s voice in the background, ask them what is going on before flying into a fit of rage and accusing them of being unfaithful. If you can’t get a hold of them, call a friend instead and distract yourself. No matter what, don’t stress over it.

10. Meet your partner’s friends and have your partner meet your friends.  It will help you have more trust in the relationship if you develop mutual friends who can reassure you when you are having doubts. Although you don’t want to have to turn to someone else to solve all of your problems, it can definitely be beneficial to have someone else there to assuage your fears.

Read more »

Romantic Gifts for Wonmen

Do you think the Sexy Lingerie is your good romantic gifts for you wife or girlfriend.Valentines Day is the day for lovers, the day when all types of romantic things transpire. Sexy teddies, silk bras and panties, and other accessories can really spice up a night at home. If you’re looking for something a little more moderate, or maybe something that seems a little more practical to you, then there are plenty of other options.
Buy a gift certificates or gift card. Select her favorite store, restaurant or merchant and allow her to choose something for herself. Deliver the gift card or certificate with a flower, balloon or card.

Read more »

Why We Flirt: The Science of Sex

It’s so natural, we barely even notice we do it. Tilting a head to expose the neck, smiling or laughing at something that really wasn’t funny, moving closer to the person making unfunny jokes, mimicking their actions. Our body language is perhaps the most subtle expression of what we’re really thinking and feeling, and is a crucial component of the courting dance known as flirting.
Though cheesy pick-up lines abound, a lot is conveyed even before words are uttered. A prolonged gaze or arched eyebrow gives clues to the person across the bar that you’re interested without having to explicitly ask about his/her sign. Though the statistics differ, some attribute almost 80 percent of our first impressions to our stance and swagger. And because flirting helps both animals and humans find mates faster and easier, it is an evolutionary trait hard-wired in our brains. Mice twitch their noses at potential mates, colorful peacocks strut around for admiring peahens, and pigeons puff their chests to look buff. As much as we have moved on from mice and feathers, we do much of the same, for the exact same reasons.

Genetic Peacockery
Because flirting is an easy way for us to display our genes, mating potential, and interest, nature put a lot toward its success. This is one of the reasons why some males birds have exotic plumes, why elk carry hefty antlers (a sign of a healthy immune system), and why male fiddler crabs have such large claws. He waves his in the air, alerting females to his whereabouts, and signaling them to come closer for a better look at his burrow, colorful shell, and flashy claw.

Much in the same way, we’re physically programmed to indicate interest almost before we mentally have a say in it. Slight actions reveal a lot. Stance, eye movement, and gestures like leaning forward to talk to the person, or quick eyebrow raises are what scientists call contact engagement, signaling to the other mammal that you’re prepared for things to potentially get physical. Perhaps most importantly, these signals show that you’re not intending to dominate or flee. Or not just yet, anyhow.

Read more »

How To get Your Ex Back – When You Know Its Time

You know its time to work on saving your relationship when you see several of these issues:

- Constant arguing
- Making excuses for them
- When people ask you if you if your partner still loves you and you need a moment to think about it

Love is a 2 ways street and perhaps you’re just not happy with the love you have right now. Seems like every song played on the radio reminds you of how your relationship used to be and its so clear its probably over.

So ask yourself if you’re happy with the way things are heading?

If no then keep reading.

Having to ask yourself this question probably means your going through some tuff times emotionally. Things are not looking so good and you may be heading down the path where you will be looking to learn how to get your ex back if you’re not careful. When you get to this point it usually means one of a few things: Try to get your ex back and rekindle the relationship on your own, Ask for expert advice, or read respected material that help couples get back together and reunite.

But how do you really know when its time to get help? Maybe he or she has not moved out yet but you know things are just about lost with each other. You realize you need to learn how to win them back before its too late. But this is difficult when you’re the only one making an effort. Love is give and take.

But things do not have to be like this. Getting the right guidance before its too late is a very smart thing to do. Getting expert advice that helps you get things back to where they were. Relationship help from an expert is going to be expensive. Taking this on by yourself although seems like the right choice, but is the most risky thing you can do.  Reading material with effective strategies to get back an ex or save a relationship that comes in the form of an ebook seems to be the frugal smart thing to do.

Statistics show that most people who attempt to rekindle a fizzled out relationship by themselves screw things up. So getting simple straight forward advice to get your ex back is not only smart but saves a lot on your pocket book.

So now is the time to make a good decision because what you have done to this point has not worked and letting the situation go much longer will likely blow any chance you ever had. Imagining your ex with someone else is a picture most people cannot handle. Can you see your lover in the arms of someone else?

Probably not…

So what should you do? Get an ebook that has a proven track record. Its that easy and that simple. We have done all the research for you so you don’t have to go and scour the internet for these “how to get your ex back” Books. We specialize in this stuff.

So if you can somehow take a step back and realize you need a little advice we would like to suggest an ebook that works. And its affordable. You wont spend $100 or even $50. $37 for a complete guide that walks you through all the steps from A to Z in how to get back with your ex and rekindle your lost love.

You will also get a 60 day money back guarantee. Its powerful to the point and effective. That’s pretty fair isn’t it? You care about your significant other right? Of course you do otherwise you would not have read this article to this point.

You CAN rekindle your lost love but you first need to make sure you get on the right track.

Please Go Here and read more about how this ebook can help you.

We hope you take this easy simple advice like thousands of others have. By accepting this help you now give yourself the BEST possible chance to get back with your lover and bring things back to where they once were.

Read more »

How To Win Back Your Ex When Everything Else You Tried Has Failed

Why is it so confusing to try to get an ex back? Perhaps when you sought for help your best friend told you what to do. Or maybe you read some crappy advice Online somewhere.

Or perhaps you didn’t have a plan and aimlessly tried to get your ex back on your own not really knowing and understanding what you were doing? Now you are left feeling frustrated, confused, and desperate.

The answer that lies in how to get your ex back has two parts. First. You need to realize that once you have been dumped by your lover the balance of power has now shifted their way.

The second point is that most people including yourself has no idea what steps to take that leads your ex back in your arms again. You continuously do the wrong things pushing your ex further and further away from you. And now time is running out and they could be gone forever.

Truth be told, once your ex has the power in the relationship, or whats left of it, you will find yourself in a uphill battle. If your ex knows you are desperate to get them back what often happens is they will make you work for it and enjoy you working for it.

They know they have something you desperately want back and play with it even if they don’t maliciously do so. In some ways or forms they will put you through hell trying to get them back again.

So what can you do about it? To win back your ex you need to relax and take a step back. Play it cool and don’t wear all your feelings on your sleeve. Think about yourself right now, and not about what they want. Start to distance yourself a bit.

Keep yourself busy and focused on things that don’t have anything to do with your ex. Stop making yourself readily available to them and start to get some of the power back slowly. You need to appear as though you have other important things you are doing so avoid long conversations. Be polite and only chat for a couple minutes and say you have things to do.

Most people who try to make distance between their ex can’t do it. Instead they end up doing whatever their ex asks and remains in their control and mercy. You think that “If I show them how I feel by helping them out they will take me back”. This is actually incorrect.

You start to appear clingy and desperate, and this is a total turn off. So what do you need? You need a plan of action to quit making the same mistakes you’re making right now. Sooner or later you will lose your ex for good to someone else who is more challenging than you are.

Find a plan that works for you, and your situation not what worked for a friend of yours. This is about you and your ex not about someone Else’s relationship. Once you have found this plan that takes you by the hand, and shows you what to do step by step you can NOW take the power back, and lead your ex back in your life without forcing them.

And now you can get that plan right here. It has proven to work for thousands of people, and it can be downloaded to your computer in 5 minutes.  Begin with your step by step plan right now. Rebond with your ex and stop making the mistakes that always lead to failure.

Read more »

Get My Husband Back And Save My Marriage

My Marriage appears to be beyond repair what can I do? How to get my ex husband back and save my marriage?

Learning how to get your ex husband back can be tricky. If you have been feeling desperate, and trying to figure out how to get him back after much time has passed of not being together, you probably feel a little bit stuck right now. Even though your mind is tired from the over whelming feelings, the rest of you is ready to do whatever it takes to get your husband back again.

However, having this type of never give up attitude may be the road block that prevents you from getting your husband to come back. What?

Probably the most common reaction after a separation or a break up is the feeling of desperation. Desperation and acts of desperation has killed more relationships than it has helped by a long shot.

If you are feeling like many women have in desperate situations you may have contemplated:

    * Calling him over and over again until he speaks with you

    * Sending a ton of text messages with questions

    * Sending emails

    * Checking his Facebook pages for updates

    * Or worse – begging for your husband to come back to you.

You need to realize right now that this is now how to get your husband back, and your behavior needs to change immediately if you want to win him back.

If you are able to put into effect some of the following methods you may still be able to get your husband back:

Cut Off Communication With Him

Depending on how long you and your husband have been separated from each other you will have a much better chance of getting him back if you don’t speak with each other for a while.  A little weird to most who first read this but more relationships have been ruined by taking the opposite approach, and hounding their ex doing all the previously discussed thing to try to get an ex to come back.

And they don’t work!

By not speaking with him for a while you give yourself and your husband the opportunity to sit and think about what happened, so you can get your heads on straight.  This helps prevent you or your husband from saying hurtful things to each other, and time to calm down so you can better determine what the future might hold in your relationship.

Men are extremely curious who like to be in control and maintain power in relationships, and by you not begging, calling, emailing, trying to talk to him etc, he will begin to wonder what you’re up to, and why you are not contacting him.

Often after a man leaves a woman his natural mind thoughts are to assume she will be calling and begging for him to come back. If you can control yourself and avoid calling him he’ll probably get impatient, and be the one who is calling you back. Most Experts will tell you this is an important step to understanding how to get your husband back.

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself And Meet Some New People

Ok so this may be hard especially if you depended on him, and did everything together, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  This is an important step in getting your husband back so make plans to get out with some friends.

Have you been wanting to learn something new?  This is a great way to make new friends, and there are plenty of resources probably in your local area for this. Don’t waste this opportunity.

However, going out and meeting new people does not mean dating someone new. The main reason this is suggested is to help you get your mind off the stress, and social activities are a healthy way to spend your time rather than sitting on the couch stressing yourself out. Dating someone else will ruin any chance you ever had to get your husband back.

Make Compromises to Retain Your Husband!

Unreasonable requests by either party in the marriage will prevent a long-lasting relationship, and may have what led to the split. If you want to get your husband back compromises will have to made with each other. This does not mean you have to give up everything you believe in rather its you and him both taking a step back seeing and understanding each others point of view.

If you are reasonable and can help each other compromise, he is going to see you as someone who is enlightened. Hopefully you succeed in getting back with your husband, but then again nothing is every 100%.  Following these steps is important but is not going to guarantee you getting your husband back.

However, having a strategy to get him back will go a long long way. I’m sure you have noticed some of the resources here in the website. We hand picked them, and they are here for a reason.

These ebooks have proven to help couples reunite, and focus primarily on marriages and or long-term relationships using a step by step process.

Please consider The Magic Of Making Up,  which you download to your computer. Its the #1 resource Online that’s saving relationships everyday. Best of all, get a 60 day money back guarantee.

Good luck!

Read more »

How To Save Your Marriage: Spice Things Up With Good Old Intimacy

Then things start to go wrong in your marriage and you strongly believe that you save your marriage before the word divorce even pops up then listen up. If you aren’t ready to see your marriage sink into the deep hole, and you need to know how to save your marriage, pay close attention because we are about to spice things up.

If your marriage is spiraling down an open funnel then there may be a big piece of pie missing from your marriage. After having kids and the responsibilities of taking care of them and your family, many problems in a marriage come from a lack of intimacy. If you want to have a healthy marriage there must some level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional.  Ask yourself this, “does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?”

Are you open and transparent with your spouse?  Do you share and include or do you exclude and keep your emotions and emotional needs locked away and try and deal with things on your own?  If you exclude your spouse emotionally, then your marriage lacks intimacy and it’s time to inject some and get on the road to save marriage.

It is essential that you make every attempt to share your problems and concerns with your spouse.  Too often people in marriages find themselves worried and preoccupied with a situation.  Instead of sharing this situation with their wife or husband, they keep things bottled and try and deal with it on their own.  This is a big mistake because it excludes your spouse when you should be including them.

Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that’s when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.

Another way to inject intimacy into your marriage so that you can save your marriage is to make time for your marriage.  In this day and age when a thousand and one things can encroach on your time, not making time for your marriage is a surefire way for a marriage to hit trouble.  It’s no fun discovering that when you were busy carving out a career or focusing your time on attending to the kids, that your marriage just shriveled up and died.

Make sure that if you want to save your marriage that you’re actively making time for your spouse and your marriage.  Once in a while take an impromptu afternoon off and have some fun with your spouse.  When your spouse realizes that you value them to the extent of changing your schedule to include them, you will begin to see an improved difference in your marriage.

Creating and fostering intimacy in your marriage so that you can save your marriage will take time and is an ongoing process.  Don’t ever make the mistake of allowing your marriage to be left set on auto-pilot.  A healthy and intimate marriage is one that is attended to regularly, only then will it thrive.

Read more »

How To Save Your Marriage: Discover How To Save Your Marriage After A Tragic Event

Is your marriage spiraling out of control? Saving your marriage from deteriorating after a devastating or earth-shattering incident has taken place may seem like one of the hardest things to do, but there is hope and you can save your marriage before things get worse. Sometimes in life things happen with warning while other times there are not any warnings. When something horrible happens in the life of your spouse or yours frustrations can run high and stress can be two much for you and your spouse to handle. When situations like this arise it is important to know how to save your marriage.

Many people seek advice on how to save their marriage as a result of their marriage deteriorating or falling apart. This is not uncommon especially when either one spouse or both struggle to cope and make sense of what happened. People deal with emotions in their own unique way and a death of a family member or a beloved child can be detrimental to a marriage. Maybe you lost a loved one in a car accident. Maybe you family lost their house due to a fire, flood or hurricane. Maybe one of you or a family member is suffering from bad heath and the stress of seeing your loved one suffer is becoming unbearable. Maybe you lost your job and the bolls never seem to stop coming or maybe you are stressed over your newborn child.

Regardless of what your situation is their are a few crucial things you can do if desperately want to know how to save your marriage before it crumbles right from underneath you. You see men and women have different approaches to the way they handle things. Some people may keep things all bottled up while others do not keep their emotions and feeling bottled up. Understanding and accepting how your spouse mourns will help you tremendously in knowing how to save your marriage. The first thing you shouldn’t expect is that your spouse will react to the situation the same way you do.

Whether your spouse means to or not you should also know that when people grieve it normally brings out some of their nastiest and darkest characteristics. If you want to save your marriage you need to have patience with your spouse. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself and your spouse. Don’t excuse the behavior and don’t let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.

In both of the above cases marriage counseling may be needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this. However marriage counseling can be very time consuming and costly.

Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:

Give your spouse the support they need. Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be there and provide a shoulder to lean on. Ask that the same be done for you.

Seek help from you family. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.

Do something to keep you mind off of whatever happened. Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.

When you have suffered greatly, it doesn’t mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save your marriage. They always say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and if you and your spouse can get through this you all will be closer together then ever.

Need more help on how to save your marriage? Put a stop to the friction and stress that this tragic event is doing to tear your family and marriage apart. EVEN if You are Struggling to Communicate with Your Spouse and are the Only One Who Wants to Work on It!

Read more »

How to Save Your Marriage from Divorce

George and Kim were on tenterhooks all the time and there were times when they could not even bear to see the sight of each other. It is not that things were bad always, there were happier and blissful times. But careers and then kids encompassed most of their lives and they hardly got time to interact with each other and slowly from smaller tiffs and niggling and haggling about domestic issues to prolonged verbal fight nights, it started getting worse. Eventually, the situation became so bad that they mutually agreed for a divorce.

Well, this might be an extreme case, but it is not totally incredulous. Happily married couples-turned foes and Mr and Mrs 'don't want to see your face' is, on a serious note, not a happy sight. Yes, it is debilitating, emotionally and mentally for the two individuals involved in it. God forbid, if there are children, marital discord can wreak havoc on their impressionable and tender minds. Till the time things go absolutely haywire and there is no other resort, divorce can be tried and avoided. Rather efforts to salvage the marriage are beneficial for the couple and for the family as well. The text to follow will talk about the same, how to save your marriage from divorce and how to deal with the common causes and reasons for divorce.

How to Save Your Marriage from Divorce: Tips

They say that where there is a will, there is a way. If the couple really wants to save marriage and stop divorce, it can go to any length to save it. For that they will also have to know why marriages fail.

Talk it Out
Sitting down, relaxed, peacefully and without any prejudices and an overload of thoughts, trying and sorting out the problems with your spouse is of utmost importance. Sometimes all it takes is a candid, heart to heart talk, no frills and no reservations. Be crystal clear with each other. Who knows it might help. Be it an extramarital affair or any other issue for the pitiful plight, this should ideally help. As many a times there can be a lack of communication in marriage.

A Vacation
It can happen that the city or town you live in also has a lot of relatives or the work there does not give exclusive time to the couple, one of them can just plan a vacation, take days off and just go zoom off somewhere. It need not be any where far off. It can just be a few miles drive to the countryside, with some peace and quiet. That will be a suitable atmosphere for the couple to be relaxed, listen to each other with an uncluttered mind. This is a basic thing regarding how to save your marriage before divorce and smoothen out martial problems. Avoiding divorce may need just this from the couple.

Kin and Mates
If there is a case that you have to save your marriage alone from divorce, then the friends and family have to come in even more prominently than before. Because for one of the spouses alone to handle it, it is really very difficult. The friends and family can be pillars of support in that case. They can provide mental support as well some valuable advice. If kids are a concern, even then family members and really close friends can turn out to be a boon particularly when you are looking at how to save a marriage.

Third Party
If nothing works and a person wants to know as to how to save your marriage after an affair, then one of the nails in the coffin is to go for marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will bring in a knowledgeable third person and he or she can analyze the situation and give much needed tips to save a marriage from divorce. If there are issues the spouses cannot talk to each other, the counselor can give an ear to those grievances. This is the best answer to how to save marriage from divorce and a happy marriage recipe.

Maintaining and nourishing a marriage is not as easy as ordering a wedding cake. There are adjustments, some discontent, some niggling problems and quirky habits and umpteen other issues which only the couple understands. But if the bond of love is strong, even with marriage problems and solutions, you get a life long companionship. Then no one would ever want to know how to save your marriage from divorce. This reminds me of a quote by Mignon McLaughlin - "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Read more »

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce: Your Still In The Game, Don’t Give Up Now

All maaaaan is your marriage falling apart fast then you can blink your eyes? You probably saw this coming from a mile a way, but you couldn’t figure out how to stop this freight train, could you? If you are ready to learn how to save a marriage from divorce then you need to pay close attention. The game is not over yet, it’s just getting started. If you want to save your marriage from divorce then you need to learn how to make sacrifices, open up and communicate with your spouse (the days of keeping thing bottled up like a ticking time bomb are over), and you have to look at thing for what they really are without over analyzing things.

Pay close attention because these three crucial things will teach you how to a marriage from divorce, it times to kick thing into high gear!

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step One: Make Sacrifices

Countless times spouse that want help how to save their marriage from divorce are really more concerned in trying to get their partner to fix their problems first. If you are looking at your spouse as the reason why your marriage is crumbling then you need to take a close look at yourself. Your spouse may be the one that is causing all of the drama in your marriage, the one causing all the friction between the two of you, but you need to make sure that you aren’t adding fuel to the fire and making the situation worse than it really is.

Time after time many marriages end in divorce because either on spouse or the other starts getting selfish or feels that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perception, then marriage was hopeless before it begun. The two of you are supposed to work, as one and this cannot be if you are only looking out for yourself. You have to be able to give up parts of yourself for the survival of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to make sacrifices in the relationship.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step Two: Open Up

People have the tendency to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn’t good for any individual and it especially isn’t good for your marriage. When keep things bottled up for to long tension grows in the relationship, things are likely going to build up too much. When things keep building inside of you, you may reach the point where you do something that you may regret.

There may have been sparks flying when the two of you first got together. But that is nothing compared to the atomic bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring to bring your issues to the table, the bigger the impact will be. You need to open up to your wife or husband to relive the stress of biting your tongue and keeping things bottled up if you want to save your marriage from divorce.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step Three: Look At Things For What They Really Are

People normally have the tendency to make things a lot more complex and complicated than what they really are. We turn organs into grapefruits and grapefruits into watermelons. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they really are.

Think about what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist? Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.

Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much? Are you nagging the hell out of your spouse over minute things?

Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.

Do you remember the love that brought the two of you together that day? Seem but a distant memory?

Nobody ever said it would be easy, and certainly nothing prepares you for the life change that you undertake in marriage. There is no manual that comes with the marriage license that tells you how to make things work. So you blunder on, doing the best you can. But what if that’s not enough? Don’t be scared to ask for help. You can save yourself the stress and emotional heartache and re ignite the passion that you once both felt. Let Amy Waterman help you and your partner resolve your conflicts, and get your loving partner back. Its not going to be easy, but Amy provides you with all the relationship advice tools necessary to facilitate dialogue and works towards repairing the hurt of a failing marriage.

Amy has created a valuable tool that will change your marriage and change your life! See it for yourself.

Read more »

How To Save My Marriage After Affair: 4 Critical Steps To Save Your Marriage From Divorce

So you want to know how to save my marriage after an affair? Has your spouse been out creeping around with the neighbor or even a co-worker? Or were you the one creeping around?

Nothing sucks more then finding out that your spouse has broken their vows. I am sure you are going through mixed feeling and emotions and to be honest that’s understandable. If you truly want to get your husband or wife back, with a little bit of elbow grease you can save your marriage after an affair.

Know doubt it’s going to be one of the hardest obstacles you may ever face but with hard work, determinations and dedication you can save your marriage from divorce.

Here are 4 lethal steps how to save your marriage after an affair:

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step One

The first thing you need to do is make sure that your days of being a player are over.
If you still have the urge to cheat then you need to stop reading this now.

However if your days of cheating are over, then these steps will help you stop your divorce and save your marriage.

Marriages are built upon trust, and you can’t have a healthy marriage when you continue lying to your husband or wife about where you were and whom you have been with.

Not telling your telling your spouse that you have had an affair is lying. Chances are they already know or have a feeling that you have been cheating. So you need to tell them regardless if they know or not, even if it hurts you like hell to do it.

Honesty is the best policy. Even if your wife or husband does not know, somewhere down the line they will find out the truth.

Trust me they will, someway, somehow the truth always seems to surface no matter how much you try to keep it in the closet. If you try to keep the affair a secret you are only setting yourself up for disaster.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Two

Things may be heated but you need to take the blame on this one. Maybe there was a lack of intimacy; maybe you and your spouse were having financial problems. You may even feel like your wife or husband drove you to cheating?

Whatever the case maybe people always tend to try and rationalize their behaviors or try to explain to our spouses the reason why we cheated by coming up with excuses. But the truth of the matter is that there is absolutely no excuse for cheating on your spouse.

With a little communication the problem you had with your spouse could have been brought to light and fixed. Marriages are not built upon blaming our spouses for our mistakes. If your spouse chews you out, take it like a woman or man and move on.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Three

It is crucial that you apologize to your husband or wife. Your spouse needs to know that you are truly sincere if you want to save your marriage from divorce. It is vital that you let them know that you are truly remorseful and that you deeply regret what you did to both them and the kids.

Don’t try to explain or come up with excuses why you did it, just let your spouse know how you truthfully feel.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Four

Your spouse is going to need some time to think so do not pester them by begging for their forgiveness or a second chance. Just give them their space. There is nothing you can do about the way they deal with the situation.

Your partner is really hurt and you cannot push them to forgive you. They will forgive you when the want to and on their own terms. So just be there for them but stop pushing and begging for forgiveness.

If you continue to push your spouse for a second chance you will only push them further away from you, and that we don’t want.

After cheating on your spouse things will be a little rocky at first. If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to win their trust back and this is going to take time and patience.

Do you need more help on how to save my marriage after an affair? If you want to save your marriage there are resources available that can help you get over the sleepless nights of not knowing if your marriage is going to work or not.

If you want to save your marriage I highly recommend you check out the only resources you will ever need to help you save your marriage today. Click Here To Save Your Marriage Today Before It’s To Late!

Read more »

Individual, Couples & Family Counselling

Candice Hague has been working with individuals, couples, and families for over 10 years.  Recognizing that you may need help is the first step to a more fulfilling and balanced life.  Don’t wait to be in “crisis” before seeking help. Counselling is a process that can assist others in overcoming challenges and an opportunity to deepen your understanding of self.

Is Counselling Confidential?

The services that you receive from Nirvana Counselling are confidential within the limits of the law and the ethics of the counselling profession unless a written consent has been signed by you. The only exceptions to this include:

• Reporting of suspected child abuse or neglect
• Responding to a medical emergency
• Complying with a subpoena
• Responding to a threat of harm to self or others

What is Clinical Counselling?

Clinical counselling is the use of clinical mental health counselling values, principles and methods for the purpose of assisting clients to understand their issues and concerns in order to enhance self-growth, personal effectiveness, interpersonal relations, life adjustments, spiritual growth, and mental health.  This may involve developing insight into, and/or learning to prevent and/or eliminate maladaptive behaviour or symptoms, in addition to the enhancement and strengthening of healthy coping styles and functional relationships with self and others. -Information Source: BCACC  ( www.bc-counsellors.org )

How can a Registered Clinical Counsellor help me?

We live in a complex world that sometimes doesn’t offer a great deal of time or opportunity to sort through personal issues.  A Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) can help you do just that. Counselling can assit you in achieving a better understanding of your issues and concerns in order to enhance your self-awareness, personal effectiveness, relationships, and your overall health and wellness. Registered Clinical Counsellors are qualified to work with individuals, couples and families dealing with many different issues.  Since most problems are never isolated to one area of a person’s life and tend to be complex, it is essential to draw on many different approaches.

CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK…CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL!

Read more »

Promise Yourself That Divorce Is Not A Viable Option

Depending on how troubled your marriage is, it’s very possible that you’ve already had friends and family recommend you get a divorce.  Let me suggest to that, except in the case of an affair, you should not seek a divorce (and even then it is usually best to reconcile if possible).  While divorce is extremely common today, it is also extremely costly (and I don’t just mean monetarily).   Despite its prevalence, I have yet to meet a divorced spouse who wasn’t negatively affected by the ordeal (not to mention the often devastating effects divorce has on children).

Consider the following findings:

    * Life expectancies for both divorced men and women are substantially lower than their married counterparts.[1]

    * Speaking about the severe health consequences often associated with divorce, one researcher at Yale University concluded that “being divorced and a nonsmoker is (only) slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack a day and staying married.”[2]

    * After being diagnosed with cancer, a married person is most likely to recover, while a divorced peson is least likely (indicating that the emotional effects of divorce have a long-term and lasting impact on our physical health).[3]

Of course you and I both know that statistics can be manipulated in so many ways.  To really understand the long-term effects of divorce, it’s best to talk with someone who has gone through it (either as a spouse or a child).  Unfortunately, you’ll be hard pressed to find a person who remains unscathed by the ill effects a divorce.

Consider these selected quotations, the first two from adult children of divorce and the third from a recently divorced man:

“I’m 33 years old and my parents divorced when I was 22. I still mourn the loss of the family that was the centerpiece of my childhood. I’m still very angry with my mother for leaving my father although I don’t tell her. We’ve had many fights over the years and my anger seems to stay unresolved. It doesn’t seem worth it to bring it up anymore. But I am mad…and my life has definitely been affected by the divorce. Since the divorce I’ve struggled with depression and anger issues. Before that I always felt that I had a strong foundation from which to live my life. I now feel as though that foundation has been shattered. My husband is wonderful but I used to really worry about him leaving me….abandonment issues from the divorce. I will never divorce. I would never want to put my children through what I have experienced. I want them to be whole and healthy. Not forever heart broken. I would love to see more research on adult children of divorce and I’d gladly participate in any studies.” [4]

“I’m a kid of a divorced family and I can tell you because my parents constant fighting it never ends, and will never end till they are both ten feet under. Money is all that seems to matter, this has been going on for at least 15 years of my life. They were divorced when I was 5, honestly thats the thing about relationships almost always they are in the moment driven, and then when life comes back and your la la dream is gone, people are shocked. Today my Father wont talk me, and would rather have nothing to do with me. I’m 21 and he’s missing out in every way on my life, he could change it all in 5 seconds if he wanted to, but he doesn’t why do you think this is? its all in one not so big word…..Pride……Life and pride hit my parents and thats what broke them up, and thats why they are still fighting. For once I wish people wouldn’t argue and fight when that doesn’t solve a thing, it only makes it worse, not only will a spouse not view you as mature, but it throws your children in a corner. Some of you need to do yourselves a favor and stay married or not to get married, and do not have kids. Kids are innocent, and peoples selfish wants and needs are rotting the kids, maybe its not in action, but trust me emotionaly they are stuck. Divorce is destroying our nation in so many ways, way to much money is being put into the courts for a rediculous divorce that will most likely on average take about 7-9 years. Fighting wont ever stop, how about you ask yourself some serious deep questions before you start saying how you have it bad.” [5]

“It doesn’t make me an expert on the subject, but I’ve been through divorce. It has nothing to recommend it. Whether divorce leads to an experience of first freedom or final alienation, exhilaration or desolation, there’s an underlying taste of failure left in one’s mouth. If not a howling rage, then a hollow residue.  How can something that began so right end up so wrong?  Whatever our status and experience in the aftermath of divorce, the fact of it, of having been-there-done-that, presents one with an abiding sense of loss and regret. It is a scar that reminds us of our spoiled humanity, a realisation that we are, at our core, like corrupted hard discs carrying Eden’s virus of imperfection. No wonder societies of all ages and peoples of all religious character and ethnicity have sought social guards against it.” [6]

Obviously I can go on and on – the lasting impact of divorce is nothing new and has been well documented now for decades.  I only cite the above references to remind you what you already know intuitively, that divorce is a terrible thing and tears families apart, and should be avoided if at all possible.

But despite the not so subtle landmines associated with divorce, it remains a viable option for many—and even an attractive option for some.  After all, divorce promises a “way out”—a change for the better, a new beginning, and a clean slate to boot.  And when you’re in the thick of the same heated battle for the umpteenth time, an escape plan does sound attractive.

But the truth you need to know is that there is no magic in that piece of paper.  It’s easy to buy into what the divorce lawyers may be telling you, but you need to remember one thing…

Their goal is to make money off of you.  Plain and simple…

A divorce lawyer doesn’t exist to help you or make you feel better.  No one enters into that profession with the intention of helping others.  A divorce lawyer is there to get you to sign their agreements and contracts which push their agenda (which in turn takes money out of your bank account).  So do not buy into what a divorce lawyer may be telling you, because they’re going to tell you what you exactly what you want to hear, not what you need to hear.

Make sense?

Before we move on, I want to say one more thing about this topic…  Not only do you need to resolve in your mind that divorce is not an option, but you need to do that today.  Right now. Because the longer you wait on that, the more likely you are to fall prey to your emotions.  The next fight will come and you’ll be looking for the white flag.  Don’t take the easy route, my friend.  Your marriage is worth saving.

Read more »