Romantic Tips for Him

Finding ways to romance the man in your life can be a challenge. Much of the advice available on how to woo someone is geared towards romancing women. However, men enjoy receiving a little extra attention from their partners, too. In his best-selling book "1001 Ways To Be Romantic," Gregory Godek says, "Romance is about...making daily life with your lover a bit more special." With some creativity and thoughtful effort, you can show your husband or boyfriend how much he means to you.

Love Lists

Everyday for the month of his birthday, email your husband a list of five things you love about him. Be specific and focus on the qualities you admire most about him, such as his devotion to family or his integrity. Also, express appreciation for the small acts of kindness he does for you. For example, you might tell him how much you love it that he always scrapes the ice off of your windows or warms up your car for you on snowy mornings. Compliment his appearance, too. Your husband will never tire of hearing that find him attractive.

Customized Gifts

According to the Help Guide website, playful surprises are an important aspect of a successful relationship. When selecting a gift, you should choose something that reflects your partner's taste and personality. However, to turn a thoughtful gift into a romantic one, you should find ways to personalize it specifically for him, suggests Godek.

For example, you could give him a few bottles of his favorite wine with custom labels. Instead of picking up another bottle of whatever cologne he usually wears, create a customized scent. Also, for a really special occasion, give your man something that he has always wanted, but has never gotten for himself because he felt it was too extravagant or impractical. Let him know you think he is worth it.

Sexy Lingerie

Sexy lingerie is a good start, but it is also predictable. Try to do something unexpected with it. For example, you could play strip poker with your husband. He will enjoy unveiling you one article of clothing at a time.

For your anniversary or his birthday, you might also consider having a boudoir portrait of yourself made. Choose outfits that reflect something about him. For example, if he is a sports fan, wear one of his jerseys. Many women feel shy about provocative photo shoots, but an experienced photographer will accommodate your comfort level and do what she can to make the experience fun for you. Your husband will love receiving a private gift that shows off your sensual side.

Flirt

To keep the romance in your relationship hot, you should flirt with your partner, according to Dummies.com. Romance is about having fun and finding playful ways to enjoy one another. Touch him frequently during throughout the day. Send him a spicy text message or email. Catch his eye and give him a coy look from across the room. Let him catch you checking him out, then wink at him or blow him a kiss. Let him know by your words and your actions that you are crazy about him.

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Love Gifts for Men

A gift for your man doesn’t have to come in a neat little package tied with a bow. Think outside of the box. If you want to show your husband or boyfriend how much you love him, do something out of the ordinary. Love gifts are gifts from the heart. As you know love can be the gas,love can be the Organized,love may be the baseball,love may be the cinema,but nothing is better than the health,so give the love gifts about health.
Improve his diet. According to a study published in Obesity magazine, married people and young live-ins are more likely to become obese than people who remain single. Even the healthiest eaters can probably use more raw fruits and leafy green vegetables or swap out those all too prevalent Omega 3s for healthier Omega 6s. If you do some or all of the cooking, or even if you are the primary grocery shopper, slip in some better choices. You don’t even have to tell him. His heart will love you for it.

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Romantic Gifts for Wonmen

Do you think the Sexy Lingerie is your good romantic gifts for you wife or girlfriend.Valentines Day is the day for lovers, the day when all types of romantic things transpire. Sexy teddies, silk bras and panties, and other accessories can really spice up a night at home. If you’re looking for something a little more moderate, or maybe something that seems a little more practical to you, then there are plenty of other options.
Buy a gift certificates or gift card. Select her favorite store, restaurant or merchant and allow her to choose something for herself. Deliver the gift card or certificate with a flower, balloon or card.

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Sending Your Love by Valentines GiftsSending Your Love by Valentines Gifts

Getting ready to start shopping for the woman that you love for Valentine’s Day? Not sure where to begin? Don’t worry because there are many, many Valentines Day gifts for her that she will be sure to love. These gifts range from the sweet and simple to the trendy and glamorous. You can find some unique gifts for any budget.
For many women it is important to buy a gift for their husbands or boyfriends even when they have very little money. Instead of spending over your budget, purchase cheap Valentine’s gifts for him.

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Flirting Lines

After my oodles of help to the women in the flirting arena, I received a lot of feedback from men asking me to help them out with flirting lines for men, So, well, here I am. Your wish is my command dear reader!! The article I wrote for the women was flirting lines for women.

Getting to the point, flirting is natural. It is an instinctive reaction. Like, when you see a really yummy looking pastry, you see if you can buy it. Similarly, you try to get the attention and attraction of someone you are attracted to. Seriously, the theory behind flirting is just that simple. But, who the heck wants to know the theory! Let's get down to the fun part, the flirting lines for men!!

Corny Flirting Lines for Men
These are a bit corny and cheeky. But, if a really cute guy uses them, girls find it hard to resist. It will make them smile (secretly, they will be laughing in their head). Once you accomplish making a girl laugh, you have her attention (this is not just booky stuff, it's true).

• Your father has to have been a gangster... Because you are like DYNAMITE
• Oh! I feel like Richard Gere... standing next to the Pretty Woman!
• I think something is wrong with my eyes... I cant seem to take them off of you!
• If you were a burger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous
• Girl, you must be tired. Because you've been running through my mind all day!
• So, does falling from heaven hurt?
• So, if I were Barney, would you make my night LEGENDARY?
• Are you always this pretty... or is this for my benefit?
• So, do I need to be your friend before I ask you out? Or can I take you out for dinner tomorrow?
• So... You come here often? (do not use this anywhere other than a club)
• I know what you're thinking... you want to give me your name and phone number! Right!

Well, these are the corniest that I have ever come across. But the flirting line men use to get women to top the corny charts has to be "Your place, or mine!". (do not use it, we women HATE it!)

Romantic Flirting Lines for Men
These flirting lines for boys are best when you are trying to sweep a woman off her feet. However, spoiler alert, you better make good use of flirting body language of men while you do this. More so, you need to be genuine. If they sense that you are not be genuine, you will have something else coming!

• You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
• Do you like walks on the beach? (yes) Care to join me for one?
• My heart skipped a beat when I first laid eyes on you
• You are the most beautiful angel I have ever seen.
• You know what.. I think God was showing off when he made you!
• If I asked you for a dance, would you say yes?
• The moon seems to have turned green from jealousy, I am sure it's the effect of your presence
• I do not want to seem too forward, but I already see us having a beautiful future together.
• If I were Edward Cullen... would you be my Bella?
• (This one is perfect when you are comforting a girl who you love, but is heart broken)There is no one in this world who is worth your tears, and when you find him, he wont make you cry!

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5 Things He’s Thinking Before He Kisses You

Would you like to know what he thinks before he kisses you? You will be really surprised.

• I am cool! I did it! Great! Fantastic! What a man I am!
• Breath control … Oh my God, when was the last time I checked my breathe …?
• What to do with my tongue? I don’t know the way she likes …
• Hope she wants this kiss the way I want it, I don’t like to be slapped in the face.
• I should close my eyes … Otherwise, she will think I am a freak …

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Why We Flirt: The Science of Sex

It’s so natural, we barely even notice we do it. Tilting a head to expose the neck, smiling or laughing at something that really wasn’t funny, moving closer to the person making unfunny jokes, mimicking their actions. Our body language is perhaps the most subtle expression of what we’re really thinking and feeling, and is a crucial component of the courting dance known as flirting.
Though cheesy pick-up lines abound, a lot is conveyed even before words are uttered. A prolonged gaze or arched eyebrow gives clues to the person across the bar that you’re interested without having to explicitly ask about his/her sign. Though the statistics differ, some attribute almost 80 percent of our first impressions to our stance and swagger. And because flirting helps both animals and humans find mates faster and easier, it is an evolutionary trait hard-wired in our brains. Mice twitch their noses at potential mates, colorful peacocks strut around for admiring peahens, and pigeons puff their chests to look buff. As much as we have moved on from mice and feathers, we do much of the same, for the exact same reasons.

Genetic Peacockery
Because flirting is an easy way for us to display our genes, mating potential, and interest, nature put a lot toward its success. This is one of the reasons why some males birds have exotic plumes, why elk carry hefty antlers (a sign of a healthy immune system), and why male fiddler crabs have such large claws. He waves his in the air, alerting females to his whereabouts, and signaling them to come closer for a better look at his burrow, colorful shell, and flashy claw.

Much in the same way, we’re physically programmed to indicate interest almost before we mentally have a say in it. Slight actions reveal a lot. Stance, eye movement, and gestures like leaning forward to talk to the person, or quick eyebrow raises are what scientists call contact engagement, signaling to the other mammal that you’re prepared for things to potentially get physical. Perhaps most importantly, these signals show that you’re not intending to dominate or flee. Or not just yet, anyhow.

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Flirt Clothes That Are Sure To Make You Stand Out

Flirt clothes…what the heck are those? Well think of your flirt clothes as being those certain outfits you wear to help get you noticed by the opposite sex.
Now some people are always wearing flirty clothing, whether they’re off to the gym or heading to bed. Other people save their flirt clothing for special occasions.
Regardless of when and where you wear them, your clothes make a big impact on how others perceive you. Putting the right outfit together will make you feel more confident and look more appealing to the opposite sex.
Here are some basics to keep in mind when creating any ensemble.
Look Classy - Certain items of clothing are timeless. Investing in a nice leather or wool jacket will last years and won’t go out of style. A quality jacket may cost you a bit more, but it will go a long way in amping up your wardrobe.
Get the Right Fit - Make sure you’re wearing clothes that fit right. There’s nothing worse than investing in that perfect top, but having it fit too loose or too tight. Store mirrors can sometimes be deceiving, so you may want to get a second opinion to make sure you’ve got the right size.
Bust Out the Iron - Make sure you’re flirt clothes are clean and wrinkle-free. Not only do wrinkles look messy, but they give off the impression that you’re sloppy and careless.
Ditch the Glasses - Unless you’re going for the sophisticated (or nerdy) look, you may want to think twice about wearing glasses.
Eye contact is an incredibly powerful flirting tool, but it doesn’t always have the same effect when you’re using it through a set of specs. Try switching to contacts when you’re going out somewhere fancy.
Look Good From Bottom to Top - Shoes make a huge difference. For you guys out there, a lot of women will admit to checking out your shoes within the first minute of meeting you.
A classy black or brown pair of dress loafers will go a long way in making you look sharp. Be sure to keep them clean a well polished though. Remember, it’s often the minor details that will either make or break you.
And for you women, guys might not be into your shoes as much as you are, but one thing they will appreciate is the impact that a set of heels will have on your physique. Learning how to properly walk in a set of heels is must if plan on owning a pair.
That Special Little Something
If you follow the advice above, you should be well on your way to looking pretty damn good. But you don’t want to just settle for good…right. You want to turn some heads. And just how do you do that?
I recommend wearing one item or accessory that stands out. It can be anything…a cool ring, an interesting necklace, a colorful bracelet, etc.
Have it be an item that you’re not used to wearing. And make sure that it’s eye-catching. This will give your look a certain element of uniqueness.
More importantly, it will be an awesome tool to have when you’re flirting. The other person can use it to strike up a conversation with you, or to help keep a conversation going.
Think of this item as a tool to help other people flirt back with you.
Create Your Own Unique Style
Most people’s flirt clothing usually consist of things that they see in magazines or on TV. After all, these are the things that are “in style” for the season.
Now there’s nothing wrong with looking to the media to help you find a particular style you like, but I do recommend you take some time to discover your own sense of style as well.
Remember, you’re flirt clothes should make you stand out and give people a sense of who you are.
So be a little creative and try inventing your own unique outfits. You’ll be surprised at the number of compliments you get from having a bold sense of style.

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Mastering The Art Of Eye Flirting

Out of all the different components of body language, eye flirting is undoubtedly the most important.
Things like posture and facial expressions are great, especially when it comes to picking up on clues if someone is interested in you. What these don’t give you though, is that deep connection you get from gazing into another person’s eyes.
In order to get good at eye flirting, you must first learn to get into the habit of making eye contact. The best way to do this is to set a goal.
For the next two weeks, commit to making eye contact with at least five people everyday. You’ll probably have to remind yourself of this goal a couple times throughout the day in order to make sure you’re following through.

After two weeks you’ll want to up the ante, by making eye contact with about ten people a day. The ultimate goal is to get to the point where you’re making and maintaining eye contact with everyone you’re interested in.
Once you’ve gotten good at this, you can start incorporating some advanced eye contact flirting techniques. Here are four forms of eye flirting that will be sure to send out a strong sexual vibe.
Side to Side Eye Contact: After gazing into the other person’s eyes for a while, shift your attention to just one of their eyes. For some reason, I prefer looking into the left eye when doing this.
If you think regular eye contact is effective, then this technique is like eye contact on steroids! By focusing on just one eye for a short period of time, you’re able to create an even more intense connection with the other person. It’s almost like you’re gazing into the other person, rather than simply looking at them.
Since this is such an intense technique, you should only use it for one of two seconds each time you use it. Holding it for any longer runs you the risk of making the other person feel uncomfortable.
The Body Scan: this eye flirting technique is a great way to help make your intentions clear. If you’ve ever worried about not sending out enough signs of attraction, then this is the tip for you.
After holding eye contact with the other person, smoothly and steadily scan their entire body down - all the way to their ankles and then back up to their eyes (almost like you’re blatantly checking the other person out). This technique should be done quickly - as in less than a second.
Doing this will allow your target to consciously or unconsciously know that you’re interested in them. If you’ve played your cards right, you’re boldness should pay off!
The Lip Look: This next eye contact flirting technique is a more subtle yet seductive version of the body scan. It’s an especially effective tip to use right before you’re about to kiss someone.
All you have to do is make eye contact, look down at their lips, very subtly wet your lips, and then look back into their eyes.
An important thing to keep in mind is to not go overboard when it comes to wetting your lips. In other words, don’t circle your lips with your tongue. Instead, simply pull your lips inside your mouth and moisten them. This will send out a clear signal that you’re ready to make things more intimate.
The Triangle: this technique is my favorite, simply because it allows you to combine a few different techniques together. After looking into the other person’s eyes:
1. Look into their left eye
2. Look down to their lips
3. Look up to their right eye
4. Resume regular eye contact with them
You can probably guess why this is called the triangle; you’re basically moving your eyes across their face in a triangular fashion.
Use these eye flirting tips as a way to make your intentions clear, while simultaneously escalating things to the next level.

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The Very Best Flirting Tips for Guys

Looking for the best flirting tips for guys? Well look no further. There’s a lot you need to know when it comes to talking to women. By following these top flirting tips for guys, you’ll make the process a lot easier and far smoother.
Approach
In order to get good at talking to women, your first step is going to involve approaching them.
Now most guys have a hard time with this because they suffer from approach anxiety. This is when you see a woman you’d like to talk to, but before you can go over there and start a conversation, you start thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
Maybe she already has a boyfriend, or what if she rejects you in front of everyone. ...these are the sort of thoughts that stop guys from taking action.
The easy way around this is to follow the three second rule. When you see a girl you want to talk to, you have three seconds to go over there and start a conversation with her.
This way, you don’t give yourself any time to think of an excuse not to talk to her.
Make a Good First Impression
A lot of guys worry about having the perfect opening line when they meet a woman. While it’s always nice to have something interesting to say, you should be more focused on how you present yourself.
You’ll want to make that sure that you’re dressed well and are well groomed. More importantly though, you’ll want to make sure you’re projecting the right voice tone and body language.
Women are masters at sizing a man up in seconds based on these two elements. Having confident, dominant body language and a loud, resonating voice will help make a great first impression.
Listen
One of the easiest flirting tips for guys is to simply listen more. When you’re in the middle of talking to a beautiful woman, it can be easy to retreat into your own head. The most common reason guys do this is because they’re trying to think of what to say next.
Women can usually tell when you’re lost in your own thoughts, and not paying attention to what they’re saying. So instead, try genuinely listening to what she’s saying.
Not only is it an attractive skill to possess, but it also makes your end of the conversation a lot easier. By listening to what she’s saying, you’ll be able to ask her to elaborate on certain things.
Like if she mentions that she enjoys traveling, you can ask here where she’s traveled too and what she did at those places.
By simply asking a few follow-up questions, you’ll be able to effortlessly keep the conversation going.
Be Nice, but not too Nice
A lot of guys get frustrated about the fact that women tend to be more attracted to guys who are jerks.
You see, jerks tend to have a lot of personality traits that women find appealing. They’re confident, self-assured and aren’t afraid to challenge a woman from time to time. The problem for most women though, is that jerks also tend to be selfish and insensitive.
It’s obviously important to be nice to women. But most guys tend to mistake being nice, with being a pushover. That’s why it’s important to strike the right balance. Treat her right, but don’t go putting her on a pedestal!
Use the Right Type of Humor
Most women say that the number one thing they look for in a guy is someone who can make them laugh. Now this doesn’t mean you should go around telling women knock knock jokes.
Instead you should use a certain type of humor. When it comes to flirting, the key is to use playful teasing. In fact, this is almost the very essence of flirting.
By using this type of humor, you’ll be able to make her laugh yet show a bit of edginess.
Close the Deal
Another extremely important flirting tip for guys is to be willing and able to close. The term closing ranges anywhere from getting a woman’s phone number all the way to getting her back to your place.
The sad thing is that a lot of guys don’t pull the trigger because they are too afraid of rejection. While it’s painful to get rejected, the last thing you want to do is shy away from moving forward with a woman.
In fact, the only thing worse than getting rejected, is the feeling of regret that comes from failing to take action. So remember your ABC’s...Always Be Closing!
Be Yourself
At the end of the day, women are most attracted to a guy who’s willing to be authentic. Using these flirting tips for guys should be a way to enhance your personality, not replace it. So be yourself...and use these tips to help be your best self!

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Romantic Boyfriend Gift Ideas

Buying a gift for someone is a trying task, but finding a romantic gift for your boyfriend may be easier than you think. Keep in mind what your boyfriend truly enjoys doing, as opposed to the things you enjoy doing with him. Base the gift on his interests, or you will end up with a romantic gift for yourself instead of for him.
Tickets

A gift that your boyfriend will love is tickets to see his favorite sports team play. Pick one of your boyfriend's favorite teams that is currently in season. If the team he likes the most is playing far away, it may become a bigger gift than you planned, but it is still possible. To make the gift more special, buy team gear for you and him to wear to the game. This will be a romantic gift, because your boyfriend will feel you care about something he enjoys and you were willing to do it with him. Understanding and acknowledging what is important to your boyfriend will build goodwill and add meaningfulness to your relationship, according to HelpGuide.

Cook Dinner

Men enjoy good food, and your boyfriend will enjoy the time spent with you over dinner. Cook him his favorite meal, and plan to eat it together, either inside or outside on your patio or deck. Set the mood by adding candles to the table. After you are through cooking and everything is prepared, change into a romantic, beautiful outfit. To heighten the sense of romance, touch his hand or kiss him. This type of bonding behavior helps you to attach and stay emotionally connected to one another, according to Psychology Today.
 

Weekend Getaway

Planning a short, surprise weekend getaway is very romantic. Surprises enhance the fun in your relationship, which can help reduce stress and enable you to work through future challenges, according to HelpGuide. A surprise getaway is a gesture of lightheartedness and romance. Think about a place close to home that your boyfriend will enjoy. Options include spending time in a national park, going to the beach, visiting a historic town or traveling to a car show. The point of the getaway is to spend quality time with him and relax together. Whatever trip you pick, make sure you enjoy it as well, because your enjoyment will heighten the romance.

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Romantic Gifts for Boyfriend

Falling in love creates an endless list of problems. Firstly, impress the guy, then maintain the relationship, add spice to it from time to time, and on top of it, bait him with romantic gifts. And then there are so many occasions to celebrate the relationship, so many gifts needed! Even if it is so 'tiresome' to be in a relationship, it is worth it. Specially choosing gifts for him, which he is sure to like! The anxiousness when choosing the gift, the joy when the right gift is found and the contentment we feel when he likes the gift, these experiences are worth a thousand problems! Here is a list of romantic gifts for boyfriend which he is sure to like.

Romantic Presents for Boyfriend
There can be homemade gift ideas for boyfriend or grand gift ideas for boyfriend. Following list contains both kinds of gifts; cheap as well as a bit costly, but both the types will definitely bring out the desired results!

Design Your Room of Love: Get to work as soon as he is out of the house. You will need to do a bit of shopping, as you are going to decorate your bedroom in a romantic manner. Buy a pair of personalized pillows which say, 'Kiss me goodnight' or 'soul mates', satin throw blanket with hearts on it, light blue colored bulbs or sodium lights, spread white lilies and red daisies. And yes, scented candles are a must. To add more romance, put some romantic soft number. All these together will prove to be one of the most romantic gifts for boyfriend!

Romantic Kit: There are many romantic kits in the market, which contain a number of sensuous things like furry eye masks, naughty dice game; wherein different actions are written on the dice, you have to roll the dice and perform the action written on the dice! Most of the kits also contain massage therapy kit, with the help of which you can give massages to each other. You can also add some of your self invented things to the box. Some kits contain chocolate body paint, as the name suggests, you are supposed to paint with the milk chocolate and not drink it! If your boyfriend is one of the creative types, he is sure to enjoy it!

Coffee Mugs: You get tonnes of coffee mugs in the market, but as you are searching for romantic gifts for boyfriend and not anyone else, choose a fancy colored mug and then paint your personalized message on it. One of the popular romantic message to be painted on mugs is, ' make me late for work ___'! This short message will convey everything to him, and that too every morning! If you wish, along with the message, you can even add your photo. This can also be one of the romantic gift ideas for boyfriend's birthday. Read more on romantic ideas for boyfriend's birthday.

Picnic: This is one of the most romantic gifts for boyfriend. Plan a surprise picnic to some very romantic secluded island like, the turtle island or the Bahaman island. What can be more romantic than, a small place surrounded by water, sunset, candles, and champagne? This gift will make him fall in love with you forever! But do not give him any clue about the destination till you reach there. To make confuse him, you can change the means of travel, instead of going by a direct flight. If this idea seems too costly, you can take him for boating, at a near by lake. Just be sure that the lake is not very crowded. The calm water, tunnels, and you. This will create the same effect as the island trip and prove to be one of the most romantic presents for boyfriend!

These were some of the romantic gift ideas for boyfriend. These ideas will surely help to strengthen your relationship, after all, that is what gifts are meant for!

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Romantic Gifts for your Partner

Having a hard time picking out the perfect gift for your sweetheart? Here’s a list of great gifts that can be memorable and romantic at the same time.

 

 

1. Greeting Cards

An all time favorite and accessory.

2. Paintings and Modern Art

Art lovers would definitely appreciate this one. And their walls would look great too.

3. A Carved Piece of Wood with your Names

A very romantic gift and this also shows you’re more than just money and easy gifts.

4. A Romantic Candlelight Dinner

Just enjoy each other’s company at a romantic restaurant. Get lost in each other’s eyes.

5. A Song Dedication on the Radio

This can be a cute and lovely proclamation of love to your sweetheart.

6. A Book on Kamasutra

Want to explore each other on your partner’s special day? This can be a great gift and can be a lot of fun too.

7. Expensive Sunglasses

Perfect if your partner just loves their glam shades!

8. A Romantic Movie followed by a Long Drive

When you’ve done everything and can’t think of anything new, this one is the best.

9. Video Message of your Love

Proclaim your love through a recorded message. This would last forever and it’s great to see this again a decade later!

10. A Love Calendar with your Photos

Get a few digital printouts of your photos on a calendar and have them bound together. The perfect year guaranteed!

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How To get Your Ex Back – When You Know Its Time

You know its time to work on saving your relationship when you see several of these issues:

- Constant arguing
- Making excuses for them
- When people ask you if you if your partner still loves you and you need a moment to think about it

Love is a 2 ways street and perhaps you’re just not happy with the love you have right now. Seems like every song played on the radio reminds you of how your relationship used to be and its so clear its probably over.

So ask yourself if you’re happy with the way things are heading?

If no then keep reading.

Having to ask yourself this question probably means your going through some tuff times emotionally. Things are not looking so good and you may be heading down the path where you will be looking to learn how to get your ex back if you’re not careful. When you get to this point it usually means one of a few things: Try to get your ex back and rekindle the relationship on your own, Ask for expert advice, or read respected material that help couples get back together and reunite.

But how do you really know when its time to get help? Maybe he or she has not moved out yet but you know things are just about lost with each other. You realize you need to learn how to win them back before its too late. But this is difficult when you’re the only one making an effort. Love is give and take.

But things do not have to be like this. Getting the right guidance before its too late is a very smart thing to do. Getting expert advice that helps you get things back to where they were. Relationship help from an expert is going to be expensive. Taking this on by yourself although seems like the right choice, but is the most risky thing you can do.  Reading material with effective strategies to get back an ex or save a relationship that comes in the form of an ebook seems to be the frugal smart thing to do.

Statistics show that most people who attempt to rekindle a fizzled out relationship by themselves screw things up. So getting simple straight forward advice to get your ex back is not only smart but saves a lot on your pocket book.

So now is the time to make a good decision because what you have done to this point has not worked and letting the situation go much longer will likely blow any chance you ever had. Imagining your ex with someone else is a picture most people cannot handle. Can you see your lover in the arms of someone else?

Probably not…

So what should you do? Get an ebook that has a proven track record. Its that easy and that simple. We have done all the research for you so you don’t have to go and scour the internet for these “how to get your ex back” Books. We specialize in this stuff.

So if you can somehow take a step back and realize you need a little advice we would like to suggest an ebook that works. And its affordable. You wont spend $100 or even $50. $37 for a complete guide that walks you through all the steps from A to Z in how to get back with your ex and rekindle your lost love.

You will also get a 60 day money back guarantee. Its powerful to the point and effective. That’s pretty fair isn’t it? You care about your significant other right? Of course you do otherwise you would not have read this article to this point.

You CAN rekindle your lost love but you first need to make sure you get on the right track.

Please Go Here and read more about how this ebook can help you.

We hope you take this easy simple advice like thousands of others have. By accepting this help you now give yourself the BEST possible chance to get back with your lover and bring things back to where they once were.

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How To Win Back Your Ex When Everything Else You Tried Has Failed

Why is it so confusing to try to get an ex back? Perhaps when you sought for help your best friend told you what to do. Or maybe you read some crappy advice Online somewhere.

Or perhaps you didn’t have a plan and aimlessly tried to get your ex back on your own not really knowing and understanding what you were doing? Now you are left feeling frustrated, confused, and desperate.

The answer that lies in how to get your ex back has two parts. First. You need to realize that once you have been dumped by your lover the balance of power has now shifted their way.

The second point is that most people including yourself has no idea what steps to take that leads your ex back in your arms again. You continuously do the wrong things pushing your ex further and further away from you. And now time is running out and they could be gone forever.

Truth be told, once your ex has the power in the relationship, or whats left of it, you will find yourself in a uphill battle. If your ex knows you are desperate to get them back what often happens is they will make you work for it and enjoy you working for it.

They know they have something you desperately want back and play with it even if they don’t maliciously do so. In some ways or forms they will put you through hell trying to get them back again.

So what can you do about it? To win back your ex you need to relax and take a step back. Play it cool and don’t wear all your feelings on your sleeve. Think about yourself right now, and not about what they want. Start to distance yourself a bit.

Keep yourself busy and focused on things that don’t have anything to do with your ex. Stop making yourself readily available to them and start to get some of the power back slowly. You need to appear as though you have other important things you are doing so avoid long conversations. Be polite and only chat for a couple minutes and say you have things to do.

Most people who try to make distance between their ex can’t do it. Instead they end up doing whatever their ex asks and remains in their control and mercy. You think that “If I show them how I feel by helping them out they will take me back”. This is actually incorrect.

You start to appear clingy and desperate, and this is a total turn off. So what do you need? You need a plan of action to quit making the same mistakes you’re making right now. Sooner or later you will lose your ex for good to someone else who is more challenging than you are.

Find a plan that works for you, and your situation not what worked for a friend of yours. This is about you and your ex not about someone Else’s relationship. Once you have found this plan that takes you by the hand, and shows you what to do step by step you can NOW take the power back, and lead your ex back in your life without forcing them.

And now you can get that plan right here. It has proven to work for thousands of people, and it can be downloaded to your computer in 5 minutes.  Begin with your step by step plan right now. Rebond with your ex and stop making the mistakes that always lead to failure.

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Get My Husband Back And Save My Marriage

My Marriage appears to be beyond repair what can I do? How to get my ex husband back and save my marriage?

Learning how to get your ex husband back can be tricky. If you have been feeling desperate, and trying to figure out how to get him back after much time has passed of not being together, you probably feel a little bit stuck right now. Even though your mind is tired from the over whelming feelings, the rest of you is ready to do whatever it takes to get your husband back again.

However, having this type of never give up attitude may be the road block that prevents you from getting your husband to come back. What?

Probably the most common reaction after a separation or a break up is the feeling of desperation. Desperation and acts of desperation has killed more relationships than it has helped by a long shot.

If you are feeling like many women have in desperate situations you may have contemplated:

    * Calling him over and over again until he speaks with you

    * Sending a ton of text messages with questions

    * Sending emails

    * Checking his Facebook pages for updates

    * Or worse – begging for your husband to come back to you.

You need to realize right now that this is now how to get your husband back, and your behavior needs to change immediately if you want to win him back.

If you are able to put into effect some of the following methods you may still be able to get your husband back:

Cut Off Communication With Him

Depending on how long you and your husband have been separated from each other you will have a much better chance of getting him back if you don’t speak with each other for a while.  A little weird to most who first read this but more relationships have been ruined by taking the opposite approach, and hounding their ex doing all the previously discussed thing to try to get an ex to come back.

And they don’t work!

By not speaking with him for a while you give yourself and your husband the opportunity to sit and think about what happened, so you can get your heads on straight.  This helps prevent you or your husband from saying hurtful things to each other, and time to calm down so you can better determine what the future might hold in your relationship.

Men are extremely curious who like to be in control and maintain power in relationships, and by you not begging, calling, emailing, trying to talk to him etc, he will begin to wonder what you’re up to, and why you are not contacting him.

Often after a man leaves a woman his natural mind thoughts are to assume she will be calling and begging for him to come back. If you can control yourself and avoid calling him he’ll probably get impatient, and be the one who is calling you back. Most Experts will tell you this is an important step to understanding how to get your husband back.

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself And Meet Some New People

Ok so this may be hard especially if you depended on him, and did everything together, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  This is an important step in getting your husband back so make plans to get out with some friends.

Have you been wanting to learn something new?  This is a great way to make new friends, and there are plenty of resources probably in your local area for this. Don’t waste this opportunity.

However, going out and meeting new people does not mean dating someone new. The main reason this is suggested is to help you get your mind off the stress, and social activities are a healthy way to spend your time rather than sitting on the couch stressing yourself out. Dating someone else will ruin any chance you ever had to get your husband back.

Make Compromises to Retain Your Husband!

Unreasonable requests by either party in the marriage will prevent a long-lasting relationship, and may have what led to the split. If you want to get your husband back compromises will have to made with each other. This does not mean you have to give up everything you believe in rather its you and him both taking a step back seeing and understanding each others point of view.

If you are reasonable and can help each other compromise, he is going to see you as someone who is enlightened. Hopefully you succeed in getting back with your husband, but then again nothing is every 100%.  Following these steps is important but is not going to guarantee you getting your husband back.

However, having a strategy to get him back will go a long long way. I’m sure you have noticed some of the resources here in the website. We hand picked them, and they are here for a reason.

These ebooks have proven to help couples reunite, and focus primarily on marriages and or long-term relationships using a step by step process.

Please consider The Magic Of Making Up,  which you download to your computer. Its the #1 resource Online that’s saving relationships everyday. Best of all, get a 60 day money back guarantee.

Good luck!

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How To Save Your Marriage: Spice Things Up With Good Old Intimacy

Then things start to go wrong in your marriage and you strongly believe that you save your marriage before the word divorce even pops up then listen up. If you aren’t ready to see your marriage sink into the deep hole, and you need to know how to save your marriage, pay close attention because we are about to spice things up.

If your marriage is spiraling down an open funnel then there may be a big piece of pie missing from your marriage. After having kids and the responsibilities of taking care of them and your family, many problems in a marriage come from a lack of intimacy. If you want to have a healthy marriage there must some level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional.  Ask yourself this, “does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?”

Are you open and transparent with your spouse?  Do you share and include or do you exclude and keep your emotions and emotional needs locked away and try and deal with things on your own?  If you exclude your spouse emotionally, then your marriage lacks intimacy and it’s time to inject some and get on the road to save marriage.

It is essential that you make every attempt to share your problems and concerns with your spouse.  Too often people in marriages find themselves worried and preoccupied with a situation.  Instead of sharing this situation with their wife or husband, they keep things bottled and try and deal with it on their own.  This is a big mistake because it excludes your spouse when you should be including them.

Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that’s when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.

Another way to inject intimacy into your marriage so that you can save your marriage is to make time for your marriage.  In this day and age when a thousand and one things can encroach on your time, not making time for your marriage is a surefire way for a marriage to hit trouble.  It’s no fun discovering that when you were busy carving out a career or focusing your time on attending to the kids, that your marriage just shriveled up and died.

Make sure that if you want to save your marriage that you’re actively making time for your spouse and your marriage.  Once in a while take an impromptu afternoon off and have some fun with your spouse.  When your spouse realizes that you value them to the extent of changing your schedule to include them, you will begin to see an improved difference in your marriage.

Creating and fostering intimacy in your marriage so that you can save your marriage will take time and is an ongoing process.  Don’t ever make the mistake of allowing your marriage to be left set on auto-pilot.  A healthy and intimate marriage is one that is attended to regularly, only then will it thrive.

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How To Save Your Marriage: Discover How To Save Your Marriage After A Tragic Event

Is your marriage spiraling out of control? Saving your marriage from deteriorating after a devastating or earth-shattering incident has taken place may seem like one of the hardest things to do, but there is hope and you can save your marriage before things get worse. Sometimes in life things happen with warning while other times there are not any warnings. When something horrible happens in the life of your spouse or yours frustrations can run high and stress can be two much for you and your spouse to handle. When situations like this arise it is important to know how to save your marriage.

Many people seek advice on how to save their marriage as a result of their marriage deteriorating or falling apart. This is not uncommon especially when either one spouse or both struggle to cope and make sense of what happened. People deal with emotions in their own unique way and a death of a family member or a beloved child can be detrimental to a marriage. Maybe you lost a loved one in a car accident. Maybe you family lost their house due to a fire, flood or hurricane. Maybe one of you or a family member is suffering from bad heath and the stress of seeing your loved one suffer is becoming unbearable. Maybe you lost your job and the bolls never seem to stop coming or maybe you are stressed over your newborn child.

Regardless of what your situation is their are a few crucial things you can do if desperately want to know how to save your marriage before it crumbles right from underneath you. You see men and women have different approaches to the way they handle things. Some people may keep things all bottled up while others do not keep their emotions and feeling bottled up. Understanding and accepting how your spouse mourns will help you tremendously in knowing how to save your marriage. The first thing you shouldn’t expect is that your spouse will react to the situation the same way you do.

Whether your spouse means to or not you should also know that when people grieve it normally brings out some of their nastiest and darkest characteristics. If you want to save your marriage you need to have patience with your spouse. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself and your spouse. Don’t excuse the behavior and don’t let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.

In both of the above cases marriage counseling may be needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this. However marriage counseling can be very time consuming and costly.

Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:

Give your spouse the support they need. Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be there and provide a shoulder to lean on. Ask that the same be done for you.

Seek help from you family. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.

Do something to keep you mind off of whatever happened. Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.

When you have suffered greatly, it doesn’t mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save your marriage. They always say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and if you and your spouse can get through this you all will be closer together then ever.

Need more help on how to save your marriage? Put a stop to the friction and stress that this tragic event is doing to tear your family and marriage apart. EVEN if You are Struggling to Communicate with Your Spouse and are the Only One Who Wants to Work on It!

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How to Save Your Marriage from Divorce

George and Kim were on tenterhooks all the time and there were times when they could not even bear to see the sight of each other. It is not that things were bad always, there were happier and blissful times. But careers and then kids encompassed most of their lives and they hardly got time to interact with each other and slowly from smaller tiffs and niggling and haggling about domestic issues to prolonged verbal fight nights, it started getting worse. Eventually, the situation became so bad that they mutually agreed for a divorce.

Well, this might be an extreme case, but it is not totally incredulous. Happily married couples-turned foes and Mr and Mrs 'don't want to see your face' is, on a serious note, not a happy sight. Yes, it is debilitating, emotionally and mentally for the two individuals involved in it. God forbid, if there are children, marital discord can wreak havoc on their impressionable and tender minds. Till the time things go absolutely haywire and there is no other resort, divorce can be tried and avoided. Rather efforts to salvage the marriage are beneficial for the couple and for the family as well. The text to follow will talk about the same, how to save your marriage from divorce and how to deal with the common causes and reasons for divorce.

How to Save Your Marriage from Divorce: Tips

They say that where there is a will, there is a way. If the couple really wants to save marriage and stop divorce, it can go to any length to save it. For that they will also have to know why marriages fail.

Talk it Out
Sitting down, relaxed, peacefully and without any prejudices and an overload of thoughts, trying and sorting out the problems with your spouse is of utmost importance. Sometimes all it takes is a candid, heart to heart talk, no frills and no reservations. Be crystal clear with each other. Who knows it might help. Be it an extramarital affair or any other issue for the pitiful plight, this should ideally help. As many a times there can be a lack of communication in marriage.

A Vacation
It can happen that the city or town you live in also has a lot of relatives or the work there does not give exclusive time to the couple, one of them can just plan a vacation, take days off and just go zoom off somewhere. It need not be any where far off. It can just be a few miles drive to the countryside, with some peace and quiet. That will be a suitable atmosphere for the couple to be relaxed, listen to each other with an uncluttered mind. This is a basic thing regarding how to save your marriage before divorce and smoothen out martial problems. Avoiding divorce may need just this from the couple.

Kin and Mates
If there is a case that you have to save your marriage alone from divorce, then the friends and family have to come in even more prominently than before. Because for one of the spouses alone to handle it, it is really very difficult. The friends and family can be pillars of support in that case. They can provide mental support as well some valuable advice. If kids are a concern, even then family members and really close friends can turn out to be a boon particularly when you are looking at how to save a marriage.

Third Party
If nothing works and a person wants to know as to how to save your marriage after an affair, then one of the nails in the coffin is to go for marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will bring in a knowledgeable third person and he or she can analyze the situation and give much needed tips to save a marriage from divorce. If there are issues the spouses cannot talk to each other, the counselor can give an ear to those grievances. This is the best answer to how to save marriage from divorce and a happy marriage recipe.

Maintaining and nourishing a marriage is not as easy as ordering a wedding cake. There are adjustments, some discontent, some niggling problems and quirky habits and umpteen other issues which only the couple understands. But if the bond of love is strong, even with marriage problems and solutions, you get a life long companionship. Then no one would ever want to know how to save your marriage from divorce. This reminds me of a quote by Mignon McLaughlin - "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

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How To Save A Marriage From Divorce: Your Still In The Game, Don’t Give Up Now

All maaaaan is your marriage falling apart fast then you can blink your eyes? You probably saw this coming from a mile a way, but you couldn’t figure out how to stop this freight train, could you? If you are ready to learn how to save a marriage from divorce then you need to pay close attention. The game is not over yet, it’s just getting started. If you want to save your marriage from divorce then you need to learn how to make sacrifices, open up and communicate with your spouse (the days of keeping thing bottled up like a ticking time bomb are over), and you have to look at thing for what they really are without over analyzing things.

Pay close attention because these three crucial things will teach you how to a marriage from divorce, it times to kick thing into high gear!

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step One: Make Sacrifices

Countless times spouse that want help how to save their marriage from divorce are really more concerned in trying to get their partner to fix their problems first. If you are looking at your spouse as the reason why your marriage is crumbling then you need to take a close look at yourself. Your spouse may be the one that is causing all of the drama in your marriage, the one causing all the friction between the two of you, but you need to make sure that you aren’t adding fuel to the fire and making the situation worse than it really is.

Time after time many marriages end in divorce because either on spouse or the other starts getting selfish or feels that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perception, then marriage was hopeless before it begun. The two of you are supposed to work, as one and this cannot be if you are only looking out for yourself. You have to be able to give up parts of yourself for the survival of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to make sacrifices in the relationship.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step Two: Open Up

People have the tendency to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn’t good for any individual and it especially isn’t good for your marriage. When keep things bottled up for to long tension grows in the relationship, things are likely going to build up too much. When things keep building inside of you, you may reach the point where you do something that you may regret.

There may have been sparks flying when the two of you first got together. But that is nothing compared to the atomic bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring to bring your issues to the table, the bigger the impact will be. You need to open up to your wife or husband to relive the stress of biting your tongue and keeping things bottled up if you want to save your marriage from divorce.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Step Three: Look At Things For What They Really Are

People normally have the tendency to make things a lot more complex and complicated than what they really are. We turn organs into grapefruits and grapefruits into watermelons. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they really are.

Think about what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist? Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.

Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much? Are you nagging the hell out of your spouse over minute things?

Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.

Do you remember the love that brought the two of you together that day? Seem but a distant memory?

Nobody ever said it would be easy, and certainly nothing prepares you for the life change that you undertake in marriage. There is no manual that comes with the marriage license that tells you how to make things work. So you blunder on, doing the best you can. But what if that’s not enough? Don’t be scared to ask for help. You can save yourself the stress and emotional heartache and re ignite the passion that you once both felt. Let Amy Waterman help you and your partner resolve your conflicts, and get your loving partner back. Its not going to be easy, but Amy provides you with all the relationship advice tools necessary to facilitate dialogue and works towards repairing the hurt of a failing marriage.

Amy has created a valuable tool that will change your marriage and change your life! See it for yourself.

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How To Save My Marriage After Affair: 4 Critical Steps To Save Your Marriage From Divorce

So you want to know how to save my marriage after an affair? Has your spouse been out creeping around with the neighbor or even a co-worker? Or were you the one creeping around?

Nothing sucks more then finding out that your spouse has broken their vows. I am sure you are going through mixed feeling and emotions and to be honest that’s understandable. If you truly want to get your husband or wife back, with a little bit of elbow grease you can save your marriage after an affair.

Know doubt it’s going to be one of the hardest obstacles you may ever face but with hard work, determinations and dedication you can save your marriage from divorce.

Here are 4 lethal steps how to save your marriage after an affair:

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step One

The first thing you need to do is make sure that your days of being a player are over.
If you still have the urge to cheat then you need to stop reading this now.

However if your days of cheating are over, then these steps will help you stop your divorce and save your marriage.

Marriages are built upon trust, and you can’t have a healthy marriage when you continue lying to your husband or wife about where you were and whom you have been with.

Not telling your telling your spouse that you have had an affair is lying. Chances are they already know or have a feeling that you have been cheating. So you need to tell them regardless if they know or not, even if it hurts you like hell to do it.

Honesty is the best policy. Even if your wife or husband does not know, somewhere down the line they will find out the truth.

Trust me they will, someway, somehow the truth always seems to surface no matter how much you try to keep it in the closet. If you try to keep the affair a secret you are only setting yourself up for disaster.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Two

Things may be heated but you need to take the blame on this one. Maybe there was a lack of intimacy; maybe you and your spouse were having financial problems. You may even feel like your wife or husband drove you to cheating?

Whatever the case maybe people always tend to try and rationalize their behaviors or try to explain to our spouses the reason why we cheated by coming up with excuses. But the truth of the matter is that there is absolutely no excuse for cheating on your spouse.

With a little communication the problem you had with your spouse could have been brought to light and fixed. Marriages are not built upon blaming our spouses for our mistakes. If your spouse chews you out, take it like a woman or man and move on.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Three

It is crucial that you apologize to your husband or wife. Your spouse needs to know that you are truly sincere if you want to save your marriage from divorce. It is vital that you let them know that you are truly remorseful and that you deeply regret what you did to both them and the kids.

Don’t try to explain or come up with excuses why you did it, just let your spouse know how you truthfully feel.

How To Save My Marriage After Affair Step Four

Your spouse is going to need some time to think so do not pester them by begging for their forgiveness or a second chance. Just give them their space. There is nothing you can do about the way they deal with the situation.

Your partner is really hurt and you cannot push them to forgive you. They will forgive you when the want to and on their own terms. So just be there for them but stop pushing and begging for forgiveness.

If you continue to push your spouse for a second chance you will only push them further away from you, and that we don’t want.

After cheating on your spouse things will be a little rocky at first. If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to win their trust back and this is going to take time and patience.

Do you need more help on how to save my marriage after an affair? If you want to save your marriage there are resources available that can help you get over the sleepless nights of not knowing if your marriage is going to work or not.

If you want to save your marriage I highly recommend you check out the only resources you will ever need to help you save your marriage today. Click Here To Save Your Marriage Today Before It’s To Late!

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Individual, Couples & Family Counselling

Candice Hague has been working with individuals, couples, and families for over 10 years.  Recognizing that you may need help is the first step to a more fulfilling and balanced life.  Don’t wait to be in “crisis” before seeking help. Counselling is a process that can assist others in overcoming challenges and an opportunity to deepen your understanding of self.

Is Counselling Confidential?

The services that you receive from Nirvana Counselling are confidential within the limits of the law and the ethics of the counselling profession unless a written consent has been signed by you. The only exceptions to this include:

• Reporting of suspected child abuse or neglect
• Responding to a medical emergency
• Complying with a subpoena
• Responding to a threat of harm to self or others

What is Clinical Counselling?

Clinical counselling is the use of clinical mental health counselling values, principles and methods for the purpose of assisting clients to understand their issues and concerns in order to enhance self-growth, personal effectiveness, interpersonal relations, life adjustments, spiritual growth, and mental health.  This may involve developing insight into, and/or learning to prevent and/or eliminate maladaptive behaviour or symptoms, in addition to the enhancement and strengthening of healthy coping styles and functional relationships with self and others. -Information Source: BCACC  ( www.bc-counsellors.org )

How can a Registered Clinical Counsellor help me?

We live in a complex world that sometimes doesn’t offer a great deal of time or opportunity to sort through personal issues.  A Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) can help you do just that. Counselling can assit you in achieving a better understanding of your issues and concerns in order to enhance your self-awareness, personal effectiveness, relationships, and your overall health and wellness. Registered Clinical Counsellors are qualified to work with individuals, couples and families dealing with many different issues.  Since most problems are never isolated to one area of a person’s life and tend to be complex, it is essential to draw on many different approaches.

CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK…CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL!

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Promise Yourself That Divorce Is Not A Viable Option

Depending on how troubled your marriage is, it’s very possible that you’ve already had friends and family recommend you get a divorce.  Let me suggest to that, except in the case of an affair, you should not seek a divorce (and even then it is usually best to reconcile if possible).  While divorce is extremely common today, it is also extremely costly (and I don’t just mean monetarily).   Despite its prevalence, I have yet to meet a divorced spouse who wasn’t negatively affected by the ordeal (not to mention the often devastating effects divorce has on children).

Consider the following findings:

    * Life expectancies for both divorced men and women are substantially lower than their married counterparts.[1]

    * Speaking about the severe health consequences often associated with divorce, one researcher at Yale University concluded that “being divorced and a nonsmoker is (only) slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack a day and staying married.”[2]

    * After being diagnosed with cancer, a married person is most likely to recover, while a divorced peson is least likely (indicating that the emotional effects of divorce have a long-term and lasting impact on our physical health).[3]

Of course you and I both know that statistics can be manipulated in so many ways.  To really understand the long-term effects of divorce, it’s best to talk with someone who has gone through it (either as a spouse or a child).  Unfortunately, you’ll be hard pressed to find a person who remains unscathed by the ill effects a divorce.

Consider these selected quotations, the first two from adult children of divorce and the third from a recently divorced man:

“I’m 33 years old and my parents divorced when I was 22. I still mourn the loss of the family that was the centerpiece of my childhood. I’m still very angry with my mother for leaving my father although I don’t tell her. We’ve had many fights over the years and my anger seems to stay unresolved. It doesn’t seem worth it to bring it up anymore. But I am mad…and my life has definitely been affected by the divorce. Since the divorce I’ve struggled with depression and anger issues. Before that I always felt that I had a strong foundation from which to live my life. I now feel as though that foundation has been shattered. My husband is wonderful but I used to really worry about him leaving me….abandonment issues from the divorce. I will never divorce. I would never want to put my children through what I have experienced. I want them to be whole and healthy. Not forever heart broken. I would love to see more research on adult children of divorce and I’d gladly participate in any studies.” [4]

“I’m a kid of a divorced family and I can tell you because my parents constant fighting it never ends, and will never end till they are both ten feet under. Money is all that seems to matter, this has been going on for at least 15 years of my life. They were divorced when I was 5, honestly thats the thing about relationships almost always they are in the moment driven, and then when life comes back and your la la dream is gone, people are shocked. Today my Father wont talk me, and would rather have nothing to do with me. I’m 21 and he’s missing out in every way on my life, he could change it all in 5 seconds if he wanted to, but he doesn’t why do you think this is? its all in one not so big word…..Pride……Life and pride hit my parents and thats what broke them up, and thats why they are still fighting. For once I wish people wouldn’t argue and fight when that doesn’t solve a thing, it only makes it worse, not only will a spouse not view you as mature, but it throws your children in a corner. Some of you need to do yourselves a favor and stay married or not to get married, and do not have kids. Kids are innocent, and peoples selfish wants and needs are rotting the kids, maybe its not in action, but trust me emotionaly they are stuck. Divorce is destroying our nation in so many ways, way to much money is being put into the courts for a rediculous divorce that will most likely on average take about 7-9 years. Fighting wont ever stop, how about you ask yourself some serious deep questions before you start saying how you have it bad.” [5]

“It doesn’t make me an expert on the subject, but I’ve been through divorce. It has nothing to recommend it. Whether divorce leads to an experience of first freedom or final alienation, exhilaration or desolation, there’s an underlying taste of failure left in one’s mouth. If not a howling rage, then a hollow residue.  How can something that began so right end up so wrong?  Whatever our status and experience in the aftermath of divorce, the fact of it, of having been-there-done-that, presents one with an abiding sense of loss and regret. It is a scar that reminds us of our spoiled humanity, a realisation that we are, at our core, like corrupted hard discs carrying Eden’s virus of imperfection. No wonder societies of all ages and peoples of all religious character and ethnicity have sought social guards against it.” [6]

Obviously I can go on and on – the lasting impact of divorce is nothing new and has been well documented now for decades.  I only cite the above references to remind you what you already know intuitively, that divorce is a terrible thing and tears families apart, and should be avoided if at all possible.

But despite the not so subtle landmines associated with divorce, it remains a viable option for many—and even an attractive option for some.  After all, divorce promises a “way out”—a change for the better, a new beginning, and a clean slate to boot.  And when you’re in the thick of the same heated battle for the umpteenth time, an escape plan does sound attractive.

But the truth you need to know is that there is no magic in that piece of paper.  It’s easy to buy into what the divorce lawyers may be telling you, but you need to remember one thing…

Their goal is to make money off of you.  Plain and simple…

A divorce lawyer doesn’t exist to help you or make you feel better.  No one enters into that profession with the intention of helping others.  A divorce lawyer is there to get you to sign their agreements and contracts which push their agenda (which in turn takes money out of your bank account).  So do not buy into what a divorce lawyer may be telling you, because they’re going to tell you what you exactly what you want to hear, not what you need to hear.

Make sense?

Before we move on, I want to say one more thing about this topic…  Not only do you need to resolve in your mind that divorce is not an option, but you need to do that today.  Right now. Because the longer you wait on that, the more likely you are to fall prey to your emotions.  The next fight will come and you’ll be looking for the white flag.  Don’t take the easy route, my friend.  Your marriage is worth saving.

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Commit Yourself To Making Your Marriage Healthy

Do you remember when you first got married?  Do you remember what the honeymoon was like?  Seems like a long time ago, eh?  Perhaps when you think back like this it feels like you were married to someone else.  And of course people do change, no doubt about it…

But it’s precisely for this reason—that people do change—that you can have hope for your marriage.  But in order to see that through, you need to take a proactive role (regardless of who is at fault for what).  You need to take the bull by the horns…

And it all starts with one little word…

Vision.

For our purposes, vision is nothing more than being able to clearly see the desired end.  Vision is closing your eyes and imagining a happy marriage once again.  Vision is believing that the picture in your mind’s eye will undoubtedly become reality once again.  And just to reiterate something I said before…I’m not advocating the power of positive thinking or some psychological BS – clearly you need more than vision in order to save your marriage, but you still need vision nonetheless.

Without vision, it’s hard to see the goal, that desired end state.  And when we have trouble picturing the end state, our motivation is bound to become lax.

The right vision is going to be the foundation of your commitment to making your marriage healthy.

If your goal right now is only to stop what looks like an inevitable divorce, you need to raise your standards!  If your goal is to simply survive and “save your marriage”, you need to shoot higher!  Don’t get me wrong, those are not bad goals to have…  But in order to really turn your marriage around and literally get it going in the opposite direction—you’re going to need to aim high.

Let me close out this UMBA by giving you a practical suggestion –

Rewrite your wedding vows.

Notice too I didn’t say “write them out” or “write them again”.  I said “rewrite” them.  In other words, take some time to think of brand new vows to your spouse and write them down with pen and paper.  It would be best if you and your spouse can do this together, but if not it’s still worth doing the exercise yourself.  You’ll be amazed how much just this one exercise will do to refocus your commitment.

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Slow to Speak, Quick To Listen

Let me share with you a truth from my own marriage that is also true with most of the married couples I’m familiar with:

Regret most often occurs over too many words.

We human beings like to get our point across, don’t we?  Sometimes we go to great lengths to make sure our side of the story is told.  We don’t want to be misrepresented, and we think we’ve somehow earned the right to be heard.  At least I know I often think this way, and I imagine you may as well.

And while there are times to get your point across and tell your side of the story, there are also times to, well, just SHUT UP.  That may sound harsh, and perhaps even be a bit harsh… But the fact remains – we are less likely to say or do something we regret if we talk LESS.

A healthy marriage is a partnership – it’s not a relationship where two people are constantly trying to assert their will over each other.  Strong marriages don’t operate like this!  A healthy marriage is about each spouse truly loving the other…this means trying to please your spouse, to look to his needs before your own, and, yes, even to lay aside your own desires at times.

Let me get real practical here – the next time you’re in some sort of argument with your spouse, commit to biting your tongue.  Anyone can lash out in anger—that’s easy to do.  Unfortunately it gets you nowhere though and usually makes things worse.

If you’re going to err, err on the side of saying too little rather than too much.  Let your spouse accuse you of giving the “cold shoulder” before he or she ever accuses you of abuse.  Cultivate the habit of listening to your spouse.  Note this is not a passive exercise…I’m not merely suggesting you “not talk”, but rather am suggesting you intently try to hear and understand what your spouse is trying to communicate to you.  This will in turn accomplish a few positive things, including the following:

   1. Listening to your spouse will help you better understand and know her.
   2. Listening to your spouse will help you remain calm.
   3. Listening to your spouse will show her that you love and respect her enough not to further your own agenda with your many words.

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The Right Way To Say You’re Sorry…

Okay, so I kind of hyped up this section telling you it’s the most valuable part of the book..  And I really think it is!  Let me tell you why…

If you screw up with all of the other MEAPs and UMBAs…if you keep on doing things that ultimately hurt your marriage, all is not lost…  You can get your spouse to forgive you, you just need to ask…

Please notice the way I worded that last sentence!  I didn’t say that in order to get your spouse to forgive you, you just need to say something..No, I said you need to ask something.  And what exactly are you asking for?  To be forgiven, of course!

Asking for forgiveness is not easy, and it requires real humility and brokenness.  But if you want to save your marriage and turn it around, you’re going to need to “get on your knees”.  That’s just the way it is my friend.  Actually to say that asking for forgiveness is “not easy” is really an understatement.  Our pride (ego!) can seriously get in the way of us doing this.  Even if we know down deep that we’ve screwed up, verbalizing that and being at someone else’s mercy is a humbling position to be in…it just is.  And it’s not always comfortable, I know… But it is necessary.

So how do you practically do this?  Well first of all, you need to do more than simply saying “I’m sorry” to your spouse.  Try this on for size…

Pretend you’ve just lost it with your spouse (let’s call her Sarah) and cursed her out.  You ranted and raved and made a bad scene, all because she wanted you to do something that you didn’t feel like doing.  Not only that, your screams were loud enough to wake up the baby and your 6 year old…  Now she won’t talk to you.

Here’s something you could try…

“Sarah, I know you’re angry at me right now and I understand.  What I did before was completely unacceptable and wrong.  I have nothing to say to defend myself, only to ask for your forgiveness and pledge my commitment to you not to let that happen again.  I’m very sorry and I’m begging for your forgiveness.”

Can you picture yourself saying those words?  Does that sound difficult to say?  If it does, rest assured that you’re correct—it is difficult to say those things.  But then again, if you’ve really screwed up (we all do) and you know you’ve really screwed up (half the battle), you need to do this.  Not asking for forgiveness when we’ve knowingly wronged our spouse only allows negative feelings to fester.

Annoyance turns into anger, anger into disgust, disgust into dislike, and dislike into hatred.  Don’t allow it to get that far (you’re in control!).

Now I know some of you are thinking….”But there’s no way my spouse would respond positively if I asked for forgiveness like that.  It wouldn’t make a difference at all.”  And to you I would say…

Try it.  Seriously.  Try it.  Now like all of the other strategies I’ve outlined, I’m not saying this is going to be a panacea and cure all of your marital woes.  Truth be told, your spouse may allow those negative feelings to fester and not forgive you right away (or in some cases at all).  But more than likely she will choose to forgive you when you humble yourself like this.  Now you may have to ask for her forgiveness more than once (repetition isn’t a bad thing, it lets her know you have real remorse), but chances are she’ll come around.

One other practical tip before we move on…  When you ask for forgiveness, ask to be forgiven for something specific.  Don’t try the “please forgive me for all the wrongs I’ve ever done” approach.  This rings shallow and insincere.  Rather, talk about your offense(s) and mistakes by name.  This shows your spouse that you understand exactly what it is that made her so upset.

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