What To Do When A Man Won't Open to You

Have you ever just sensed that something was off with your man, but you didn’t know what? Of course, he wouldn’t talk to you about it or tell you. He was just quiet and withdrawn. Trying to figure out what your man is thinking can be maddening. So what can a woman do to avoid a "Withdrawal Response" in the first place? And how can a woman deal with this unfortunately common situation in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place together?
Step 1: Identify His Triggers
You might notice a pattern to his withdrawal, if you pay close attention. When does your man tend to clam up? Is it when work gets hectic? Is it during rough times financially? Is it when he doesn’t know how to answer you? Your first, and most important step, is getting him to address this for himself if it’s a real and recurring issue.
That way you don’t have to take it on. What helps with this is identifying WHAT it is that triggers his withdrawal response in the first place, and then simply pointing it out to him. When you understand what triggers a man to withdraw, you can avoid being caught off guard or get carried away wondering what's going on. Just knowing more about how and when a man withdraws will keep you and your relationship in a better emotional state.
Step 2: Separate Stimulus from Response
The definition of being OUT OF CONTROL in your life is when you allow anything outside yourself to control your inner emotional state. If you let a man’s emotional state determine how you feel and act…then you’re allowing yourself to become out of control. Sometimes a man’s negative or distant emotional state is not about you. If a man acts distant, but you otherwise have a loving relationship you’re confident about, it might just be that he needs that time to himself to unwind.
If you make the mistake of taking this personally, and make negative meaning out of his emotional state, it’s going to lead to conflict and put you in a REACTIVE mode. On the other hand…if you choose to not take his distance personally, and allow a man some temporary space, something amazing can happen. Knowing that he’s free to take some space, a man will often end up opening up more than he ever has before.
Step 3: Use “Non-Situational Honesty”
It’s up to you to let the man in your life know what your ideal relationship is, and how you want to communicate. Sharing what you value, and what you need to feel good in your relationship, couldn’t be more important. The problem is we often times get into relationships before we ever really discuss or share what it is we REALLY WANT.  Hint: Talking about what you want with a man by continually pointing out how he’s NOT giving you what you want is likely to never help you get to where you want to be.
The best way to create a shift in your relationship, and to open up better communication, starts with a simple tool I call “Non-Situational Honesty.” This is where your communication isn’t coming from the place where you’ve been emotionally “triggered” by something painful or negative, but where you’re simply honest about the positive things you want in the future. If you can remove this “triggered” energy from behind your words, and instead talk about what you DO WANT, rather than WHAT YOU DON’T WANT that isn’t working…you’ll be amazed at the different response you get from a man.
If you want a man to open up…stop, take a deep breath, and visualize the positive outcome you want in your relationship and with your man. If you can do this, everything else will start to fall into place.

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HOW TO DATE YOUR FRIEND - FRIENDSHIP TO LOVERS

I do not know about the average heterosexual male, but most of my relationships have been products of friendship. You get close to a woman, spend time with her, and eventually things just develop into more. But how do two people make the transition from friends to dating?

First of all, but people should be on the same page. Friends can become more over time, but if one person is pushing it while the other is unsure, you can ruin both the friendship and the potential relationship. Talking about it should be foremost on your minds, and voicing concerns should be met with careful thought.

Often, when two people transition from friends to dating, they aren’t sure exactly how to act around one another. Once a friendship has been established, with rules attached, breaking those rules can be stressful at first. Even holding hands in public and kissing one another goodbye might seem difficult, if not downright strange.

Usually, however, the discomfort is felt from both sides, which means that the same concerns are often shared. Unless you communicate those concerns, however, they are likely to fester and become too large to handle. Your best bet is to admit that you are feeling uncomfortable with the transition from friends to dating, and try to work through it together.

The extent of the discomfort will likely depend upon how long the two of you have been friends. If you’ve known each other for ten years, for example, your habits and traditions will have been well-established, and as such, harder to change. However, if you’ve only been friends for a few months, the transition from friends to dating will be easier.

Another problem is that friends who become more do not have the luxury of slowly getting to know one another. Friends who start dating are really starting well into the relationship; they already know one another, which might cause them to move too fast. There’s a lot of pressure on a couple who have known one another for years, but have just begun to develop romantic feelings. The temptation to jump directly into a serious relationship is strong.

My best advice is to behave however feels natural. If you need some time to adjust to the idea, cool things off and simply spend time with one another. Don’t push sex until the both of you are ready, because once you’ve taken that step, you can never take it back. Sex has been known to ruin friendships, and can very easily end yours.

Although you do run the risk of jeopardizing your friendship by taking it to the next level, it will only ruin your friendship if you allow it. People who sincerely like one another and enjoy each other’s company will find a way to make it work, whether or not the relationship lasts. Make a sincere and concentrated effort to remain friends, even while you are dating.

And finally, all successful relationships are based on friendship. Unless you can talk, laugh and commiserate with your partner, the relationship is not as good or as healthy as it could be. Even if you start to date someone right away, you should learn to become friends as well as lovers.

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HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP AFTER YOU GET DUMPED

So, you have been dumped. While you are well aware that you are better off without him or her, there is an aching pain in your heart that misses them and wishes you were still together. Perhaps you just miss the routine and convenience of doing things together and don’t know how to keep yourself occupied.

Unfortunately, many of us tend to make mistakes when trying to get over a recent break up. This not only prolongs the recovery process but also makes it even more heart breaking to deal with. Figuring out how to manage your time after getting dumped is crucial in order to have a quick recovery and move on with your love life. These lessons are important to follow, so breaking up isn’t so hard to do.
Breakup Tip #1Do not: shut yourself away from your friends.

While you may be tempted to lock yourself in a room and listen to sad breakup music, resist the urge. It is also not a good idea to call his or her cell phone to listen to the recorded message repeatedly, or listen to ‘your song.’

Friends can provide supportive advice and make you smile even at your most depressed times. By shutting yourself away in your bedroom you will only elevate your emotional status and feel sorry for yourself.

Give your friends a chance to take you out and talk about it. Whether it is a trip to an ice-cream parlor or to a dance club, a change of scenery can take your mind off your recent breakup. Sometimes friends and fun are the only way to take your mind off negative experiences.

Remember, everyone has been through rejection at some point in their life and talking about your experiences with people you trust can make hard times more tolerable.
Breakup Tip #2
Do: Hide old pictures and banish the stuffed animals he/she gave to you.
This step involves distancing yourself from the symbols that represent your relationship. On top of that, organize all the e mails you sent to one another in a separate folder, titled ‘ignore.’ If you really want to, you can even delete them.

All these items did at one point have sentimental value; however, now you must move on. This step isn’t possible unless you let go of some memories. It isn’t necessarily to burn the pictures of your happy couple days but piling them into a shoe box out of your direct view will help you forget about your ex-partner. Some degree of separation is fundamental in moving on with your life. If you keep staring at pictures of the happy couple days, you will only be reminiscing about the past – unable to move on to the future.
Breakup Tip #3
Do not: Throw eggs at his car, kidnap her dog or leave nasty messages on his answering machine.

Okay, so that may be a little more than you would do anyway, but you get the idea.

Being mature is a difficult task when dealing with a breakup. However, regardless of how the relationship ended, refrain from scheming creative ways to make their life miserable. Getting dumped sucks, but try to look at the situation from a positive perspective: If your partner didn’t really care about you, then the relationship was not worth it and it’s time to move on with your love life.

Now, put the cap back on the permanent marker and move away from his car.
Breakup Tip #4
Do: Give new people a chance to get to know you.
Everyone needs a transition period of being alone after a breakup. This is often referred to as being ‘on the rebound.’ However, dwelling on your past breakup for too long can make you feel lonely and depressed. During the recovery process, sometimes the sooner you meet another partner, the sooner you can forget about what happened in the past and give love another chance.

Spending your evenings alone, in fear of being dumped again is not only a waste of time but it also gives your former mate the satisfaction to observe that you are still heartbroken. Getting back into the dating world is an important step in moving on with your life.

After dealing with a breakup, you might be more selective in the type of man/woman you are looking for and your standards might be elevated to a new level. Good for you! Use the experience and everything you have learned about yourself to meet someone who is perfect for you. 

Remember love takes time
Letting your heart heal takes time, especially after a heart wrenching breakup. Keep in mind that we are all strong enough to easily recover from a breakup if we truly have the desire to move on.

Men and women often spend too much time figuring out what went wrong in their past relationship. Forget about vandalizing his new convertible or kidnapping her new puppy. Instead, concentrate on what to wear to the singles bar tonight.

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Flirting Lines

After my oodles of help to the women in the flirting arena, I received a lot of feedback from men asking me to help them out with flirting lines for men, So, well, here I am. Your wish is my command dear reader!! The article I wrote for the women was flirting lines for women.

Getting to the point, flirting is natural. It is an instinctive reaction. Like, when you see a really yummy looking pastry, you see if you can buy it. Similarly, you try to get the attention and attraction of someone you are attracted to. Seriously, the theory behind flirting is just that simple. But, who the heck wants to know the theory! Let's get down to the fun part, the flirting lines for men!!

Corny Flirting Lines for Men
These are a bit corny and cheeky. But, if a really cute guy uses them, girls find it hard to resist. It will make them smile (secretly, they will be laughing in their head). Once you accomplish making a girl laugh, you have her attention (this is not just booky stuff, it's true).

• Your father has to have been a gangster... Because you are like DYNAMITE
• Oh! I feel like Richard Gere... standing next to the Pretty Woman!
• I think something is wrong with my eyes... I cant seem to take them off of you!
• If you were a burger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous
• Girl, you must be tired. Because you've been running through my mind all day!
• So, does falling from heaven hurt?
• So, if I were Barney, would you make my night LEGENDARY?
• Are you always this pretty... or is this for my benefit?
• So, do I need to be your friend before I ask you out? Or can I take you out for dinner tomorrow?
• So... You come here often? (do not use this anywhere other than a club)
• I know what you're thinking... you want to give me your name and phone number! Right!

Well, these are the corniest that I have ever come across. But the flirting line men use to get women to top the corny charts has to be "Your place, or mine!". (do not use it, we women HATE it!)

Romantic Flirting Lines for Men
These flirting lines for boys are best when you are trying to sweep a woman off her feet. However, spoiler alert, you better make good use of flirting body language of men while you do this. More so, you need to be genuine. If they sense that you are not be genuine, you will have something else coming!

• You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
• Do you like walks on the beach? (yes) Care to join me for one?
• My heart skipped a beat when I first laid eyes on you
• You are the most beautiful angel I have ever seen.
• You know what.. I think God was showing off when he made you!
• If I asked you for a dance, would you say yes?
• The moon seems to have turned green from jealousy, I am sure it's the effect of your presence
• I do not want to seem too forward, but I already see us having a beautiful future together.
• If I were Edward Cullen... would you be my Bella?
• (This one is perfect when you are comforting a girl who you love, but is heart broken)There is no one in this world who is worth your tears, and when you find him, he wont make you cry!

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5 Things He’s Thinking Before He Kisses You

Would you like to know what he thinks before he kisses you? You will be really surprised.

• I am cool! I did it! Great! Fantastic! What a man I am!
• Breath control … Oh my God, when was the last time I checked my breathe …?
• What to do with my tongue? I don’t know the way she likes …
• Hope she wants this kiss the way I want it, I don’t like to be slapped in the face.
• I should close my eyes … Otherwise, she will think I am a freak …

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Why We Flirt: The Science of Sex

It’s so natural, we barely even notice we do it. Tilting a head to expose the neck, smiling or laughing at something that really wasn’t funny, moving closer to the person making unfunny jokes, mimicking their actions. Our body language is perhaps the most subtle expression of what we’re really thinking and feeling, and is a crucial component of the courting dance known as flirting.
Though cheesy pick-up lines abound, a lot is conveyed even before words are uttered. A prolonged gaze or arched eyebrow gives clues to the person across the bar that you’re interested without having to explicitly ask about his/her sign. Though the statistics differ, some attribute almost 80 percent of our first impressions to our stance and swagger. And because flirting helps both animals and humans find mates faster and easier, it is an evolutionary trait hard-wired in our brains. Mice twitch their noses at potential mates, colorful peacocks strut around for admiring peahens, and pigeons puff their chests to look buff. As much as we have moved on from mice and feathers, we do much of the same, for the exact same reasons.

Genetic Peacockery
Because flirting is an easy way for us to display our genes, mating potential, and interest, nature put a lot toward its success. This is one of the reasons why some males birds have exotic plumes, why elk carry hefty antlers (a sign of a healthy immune system), and why male fiddler crabs have such large claws. He waves his in the air, alerting females to his whereabouts, and signaling them to come closer for a better look at his burrow, colorful shell, and flashy claw.

Much in the same way, we’re physically programmed to indicate interest almost before we mentally have a say in it. Slight actions reveal a lot. Stance, eye movement, and gestures like leaning forward to talk to the person, or quick eyebrow raises are what scientists call contact engagement, signaling to the other mammal that you’re prepared for things to potentially get physical. Perhaps most importantly, these signals show that you’re not intending to dominate or flee. Or not just yet, anyhow.

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Flirt Clothes That Are Sure To Make You Stand Out

Flirt clothes…what the heck are those? Well think of your flirt clothes as being those certain outfits you wear to help get you noticed by the opposite sex.
Now some people are always wearing flirty clothing, whether they’re off to the gym or heading to bed. Other people save their flirt clothing for special occasions.
Regardless of when and where you wear them, your clothes make a big impact on how others perceive you. Putting the right outfit together will make you feel more confident and look more appealing to the opposite sex.
Here are some basics to keep in mind when creating any ensemble.
Look Classy - Certain items of clothing are timeless. Investing in a nice leather or wool jacket will last years and won’t go out of style. A quality jacket may cost you a bit more, but it will go a long way in amping up your wardrobe.
Get the Right Fit - Make sure you’re wearing clothes that fit right. There’s nothing worse than investing in that perfect top, but having it fit too loose or too tight. Store mirrors can sometimes be deceiving, so you may want to get a second opinion to make sure you’ve got the right size.
Bust Out the Iron - Make sure you’re flirt clothes are clean and wrinkle-free. Not only do wrinkles look messy, but they give off the impression that you’re sloppy and careless.
Ditch the Glasses - Unless you’re going for the sophisticated (or nerdy) look, you may want to think twice about wearing glasses.
Eye contact is an incredibly powerful flirting tool, but it doesn’t always have the same effect when you’re using it through a set of specs. Try switching to contacts when you’re going out somewhere fancy.
Look Good From Bottom to Top - Shoes make a huge difference. For you guys out there, a lot of women will admit to checking out your shoes within the first minute of meeting you.
A classy black or brown pair of dress loafers will go a long way in making you look sharp. Be sure to keep them clean a well polished though. Remember, it’s often the minor details that will either make or break you.
And for you women, guys might not be into your shoes as much as you are, but one thing they will appreciate is the impact that a set of heels will have on your physique. Learning how to properly walk in a set of heels is must if plan on owning a pair.
That Special Little Something
If you follow the advice above, you should be well on your way to looking pretty damn good. But you don’t want to just settle for good…right. You want to turn some heads. And just how do you do that?
I recommend wearing one item or accessory that stands out. It can be anything…a cool ring, an interesting necklace, a colorful bracelet, etc.
Have it be an item that you’re not used to wearing. And make sure that it’s eye-catching. This will give your look a certain element of uniqueness.
More importantly, it will be an awesome tool to have when you’re flirting. The other person can use it to strike up a conversation with you, or to help keep a conversation going.
Think of this item as a tool to help other people flirt back with you.
Create Your Own Unique Style
Most people’s flirt clothing usually consist of things that they see in magazines or on TV. After all, these are the things that are “in style” for the season.
Now there’s nothing wrong with looking to the media to help you find a particular style you like, but I do recommend you take some time to discover your own sense of style as well.
Remember, you’re flirt clothes should make you stand out and give people a sense of who you are.
So be a little creative and try inventing your own unique outfits. You’ll be surprised at the number of compliments you get from having a bold sense of style.

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Mastering The Art Of Eye Flirting

Out of all the different components of body language, eye flirting is undoubtedly the most important.
Things like posture and facial expressions are great, especially when it comes to picking up on clues if someone is interested in you. What these don’t give you though, is that deep connection you get from gazing into another person’s eyes.
In order to get good at eye flirting, you must first learn to get into the habit of making eye contact. The best way to do this is to set a goal.
For the next two weeks, commit to making eye contact with at least five people everyday. You’ll probably have to remind yourself of this goal a couple times throughout the day in order to make sure you’re following through.

After two weeks you’ll want to up the ante, by making eye contact with about ten people a day. The ultimate goal is to get to the point where you’re making and maintaining eye contact with everyone you’re interested in.
Once you’ve gotten good at this, you can start incorporating some advanced eye contact flirting techniques. Here are four forms of eye flirting that will be sure to send out a strong sexual vibe.
Side to Side Eye Contact: After gazing into the other person’s eyes for a while, shift your attention to just one of their eyes. For some reason, I prefer looking into the left eye when doing this.
If you think regular eye contact is effective, then this technique is like eye contact on steroids! By focusing on just one eye for a short period of time, you’re able to create an even more intense connection with the other person. It’s almost like you’re gazing into the other person, rather than simply looking at them.
Since this is such an intense technique, you should only use it for one of two seconds each time you use it. Holding it for any longer runs you the risk of making the other person feel uncomfortable.
The Body Scan: this eye flirting technique is a great way to help make your intentions clear. If you’ve ever worried about not sending out enough signs of attraction, then this is the tip for you.
After holding eye contact with the other person, smoothly and steadily scan their entire body down - all the way to their ankles and then back up to their eyes (almost like you’re blatantly checking the other person out). This technique should be done quickly - as in less than a second.
Doing this will allow your target to consciously or unconsciously know that you’re interested in them. If you’ve played your cards right, you’re boldness should pay off!
The Lip Look: This next eye contact flirting technique is a more subtle yet seductive version of the body scan. It’s an especially effective tip to use right before you’re about to kiss someone.
All you have to do is make eye contact, look down at their lips, very subtly wet your lips, and then look back into their eyes.
An important thing to keep in mind is to not go overboard when it comes to wetting your lips. In other words, don’t circle your lips with your tongue. Instead, simply pull your lips inside your mouth and moisten them. This will send out a clear signal that you’re ready to make things more intimate.
The Triangle: this technique is my favorite, simply because it allows you to combine a few different techniques together. After looking into the other person’s eyes:
1. Look into their left eye
2. Look down to their lips
3. Look up to their right eye
4. Resume regular eye contact with them
You can probably guess why this is called the triangle; you’re basically moving your eyes across their face in a triangular fashion.
Use these eye flirting tips as a way to make your intentions clear, while simultaneously escalating things to the next level.

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Get My Husband Back And Save My Marriage

My Marriage appears to be beyond repair what can I do? How to get my ex husband back and save my marriage?

Learning how to get your ex husband back can be tricky. If you have been feeling desperate, and trying to figure out how to get him back after much time has passed of not being together, you probably feel a little bit stuck right now. Even though your mind is tired from the over whelming feelings, the rest of you is ready to do whatever it takes to get your husband back again.

However, having this type of never give up attitude may be the road block that prevents you from getting your husband to come back. What?

Probably the most common reaction after a separation or a break up is the feeling of desperation. Desperation and acts of desperation has killed more relationships than it has helped by a long shot.

If you are feeling like many women have in desperate situations you may have contemplated:

    * Calling him over and over again until he speaks with you

    * Sending a ton of text messages with questions

    * Sending emails

    * Checking his Facebook pages for updates

    * Or worse – begging for your husband to come back to you.

You need to realize right now that this is now how to get your husband back, and your behavior needs to change immediately if you want to win him back.

If you are able to put into effect some of the following methods you may still be able to get your husband back:

Cut Off Communication With Him

Depending on how long you and your husband have been separated from each other you will have a much better chance of getting him back if you don’t speak with each other for a while.  A little weird to most who first read this but more relationships have been ruined by taking the opposite approach, and hounding their ex doing all the previously discussed thing to try to get an ex to come back.

And they don’t work!

By not speaking with him for a while you give yourself and your husband the opportunity to sit and think about what happened, so you can get your heads on straight.  This helps prevent you or your husband from saying hurtful things to each other, and time to calm down so you can better determine what the future might hold in your relationship.

Men are extremely curious who like to be in control and maintain power in relationships, and by you not begging, calling, emailing, trying to talk to him etc, he will begin to wonder what you’re up to, and why you are not contacting him.

Often after a man leaves a woman his natural mind thoughts are to assume she will be calling and begging for him to come back. If you can control yourself and avoid calling him he’ll probably get impatient, and be the one who is calling you back. Most Experts will tell you this is an important step to understanding how to get your husband back.

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself And Meet Some New People

Ok so this may be hard especially if you depended on him, and did everything together, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  This is an important step in getting your husband back so make plans to get out with some friends.

Have you been wanting to learn something new?  This is a great way to make new friends, and there are plenty of resources probably in your local area for this. Don’t waste this opportunity.

However, going out and meeting new people does not mean dating someone new. The main reason this is suggested is to help you get your mind off the stress, and social activities are a healthy way to spend your time rather than sitting on the couch stressing yourself out. Dating someone else will ruin any chance you ever had to get your husband back.

Make Compromises to Retain Your Husband!

Unreasonable requests by either party in the marriage will prevent a long-lasting relationship, and may have what led to the split. If you want to get your husband back compromises will have to made with each other. This does not mean you have to give up everything you believe in rather its you and him both taking a step back seeing and understanding each others point of view.

If you are reasonable and can help each other compromise, he is going to see you as someone who is enlightened. Hopefully you succeed in getting back with your husband, but then again nothing is every 100%.  Following these steps is important but is not going to guarantee you getting your husband back.

However, having a strategy to get him back will go a long long way. I’m sure you have noticed some of the resources here in the website. We hand picked them, and they are here for a reason.

These ebooks have proven to help couples reunite, and focus primarily on marriages and or long-term relationships using a step by step process.

Please consider The Magic Of Making Up,  which you download to your computer. Its the #1 resource Online that’s saving relationships everyday. Best of all, get a 60 day money back guarantee.

Good luck!

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Individual, Couples & Family Counselling

Candice Hague has been working with individuals, couples, and families for over 10 years.  Recognizing that you may need help is the first step to a more fulfilling and balanced life.  Don’t wait to be in “crisis” before seeking help. Counselling is a process that can assist others in overcoming challenges and an opportunity to deepen your understanding of self.

Is Counselling Confidential?

The services that you receive from Nirvana Counselling are confidential within the limits of the law and the ethics of the counselling profession unless a written consent has been signed by you. The only exceptions to this include:

• Reporting of suspected child abuse or neglect
• Responding to a medical emergency
• Complying with a subpoena
• Responding to a threat of harm to self or others

What is Clinical Counselling?

Clinical counselling is the use of clinical mental health counselling values, principles and methods for the purpose of assisting clients to understand their issues and concerns in order to enhance self-growth, personal effectiveness, interpersonal relations, life adjustments, spiritual growth, and mental health.  This may involve developing insight into, and/or learning to prevent and/or eliminate maladaptive behaviour or symptoms, in addition to the enhancement and strengthening of healthy coping styles and functional relationships with self and others. -Information Source: BCACC  ( www.bc-counsellors.org )

How can a Registered Clinical Counsellor help me?

We live in a complex world that sometimes doesn’t offer a great deal of time or opportunity to sort through personal issues.  A Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) can help you do just that. Counselling can assit you in achieving a better understanding of your issues and concerns in order to enhance your self-awareness, personal effectiveness, relationships, and your overall health and wellness. Registered Clinical Counsellors are qualified to work with individuals, couples and families dealing with many different issues.  Since most problems are never isolated to one area of a person’s life and tend to be complex, it is essential to draw on many different approaches.

CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK…CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL!

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Slow to Speak, Quick To Listen

Let me share with you a truth from my own marriage that is also true with most of the married couples I’m familiar with:

Regret most often occurs over too many words.

We human beings like to get our point across, don’t we?  Sometimes we go to great lengths to make sure our side of the story is told.  We don’t want to be misrepresented, and we think we’ve somehow earned the right to be heard.  At least I know I often think this way, and I imagine you may as well.

And while there are times to get your point across and tell your side of the story, there are also times to, well, just SHUT UP.  That may sound harsh, and perhaps even be a bit harsh… But the fact remains – we are less likely to say or do something we regret if we talk LESS.

A healthy marriage is a partnership – it’s not a relationship where two people are constantly trying to assert their will over each other.  Strong marriages don’t operate like this!  A healthy marriage is about each spouse truly loving the other…this means trying to please your spouse, to look to his needs before your own, and, yes, even to lay aside your own desires at times.

Let me get real practical here – the next time you’re in some sort of argument with your spouse, commit to biting your tongue.  Anyone can lash out in anger—that’s easy to do.  Unfortunately it gets you nowhere though and usually makes things worse.

If you’re going to err, err on the side of saying too little rather than too much.  Let your spouse accuse you of giving the “cold shoulder” before he or she ever accuses you of abuse.  Cultivate the habit of listening to your spouse.  Note this is not a passive exercise…I’m not merely suggesting you “not talk”, but rather am suggesting you intently try to hear and understand what your spouse is trying to communicate to you.  This will in turn accomplish a few positive things, including the following:

   1. Listening to your spouse will help you better understand and know her.
   2. Listening to your spouse will help you remain calm.
   3. Listening to your spouse will show her that you love and respect her enough not to further your own agenda with your many words.

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Discover How To Get Your Wife Back Before It Is Too Late

I get asked a lot this question “How can you get your wife back now before it is too late?”
Nearly everyone who has been close to getting a divorce knows that the longer you wait, the worse off you will be! You see the longer you wait the more you risk not being able to turn back time and rediscover the reasons why you got married in the first place. The more time that goes by after your wife leaves you, the more room there is for another person to come and snatch them up. Your wife may be feeling lonely and unloved and there is always someone waiting in the wings to help her recover her get her swag back.

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Marriage and Family Counseling in Virginia Beach

Marriage and Family Counseling – Save Your Marriage Today

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When couples say “I do” at the altar, they are bringing all of their negotiable values and inviolable differences to the marriage table. Some of those values and traits that they cherish they gladly compromise and give up for the sake of the relationship. Yet as human as we are — and as terribly affected as we are of Western individualistic impulses — there are just parts of us that we never want violated. It is these propensities and beliefs that couples tend to clash over with their spouses during the tenure of their marriages.

At marriage Counseling Virginia Beach, we feel that marriage counseling is communicative and emotional therapy that is administered to couples who seek advice on various difficulties in their marriage. The aim of marriage counseling is, of course, to restore the relationship at its ideally optimal level, and to regain the love, trust, and confidence between each of the partners. Seemingly insolvable conflicts can be brought to the counseling table, where the therapists can ask questions and pinpoint the events and hidden motives that triggered the conflicts. The therapist can therefore suggest courses of action or stimulate more revelation from each of the spouses for better understanding.

A good marriage counseling course, aside from solving marital problems, involves couples avoiding emotional traps further on, or controlling the damage caused by harsh words and past hurts. Some of the areas of trouble in marriage that couples seek advice include:

    * Infidelity
    * Sexual difficulties
    * Compatibility
    * Financial issues
    * Anger management
    * Cultural differences
    * Religious beliefs
    * Lack of trust
    * Drugs and alcohol addiction
    * Unemployment



The marriage and family counseling scene typically involves couples in open and honest communication, and of course, moderated by the therapists. In this setting, the couple bares their basest feelings, innermost motives, their numerous frustrations, deepest needs, and basically whatever issue that has ticked them off during the course of their marriage. Not every counseling session is serene and marked by cordiality though. Sometimes the couples bring their little cat fights to the office, seethe in steely silence on undisclosed grievances, or exchange sarcastic banter that do little to progress the therapy.

Obviously, it is beneficial to find good counselors who compel their counselees in learning effective communication. This is one of the most crucial reasons why conflicts go unsolved and spouses constantly carry an ax to grind at their partners. They simply don’t talk. It could be that their personal pride is blocking communication, or that they aren’t skilled enough to have a decent, useful conversation. Whatever the source of the lack of communication, a good therapist can compel the spouses to talk and bring those hidden issues out onto the table for discussion. A great therapist goes further by getting couples to talk even in their natural home setting.

Yet, all the superb skills of a good counselor are worth squat if the couple doesn’t cooperate. The most important piece of advice to couples who seek marriage counseling is that they have to act now in order to stave off more emotional damage. As the fights billow and roar and the relationship disintegrates into silent indifference, there may be little hope of salvaging whatever good and pure existed in that relationship. The most important thing is for couples to seek help now.

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Marriage Counseling

One thing that we here at Marriage Counseling Virginia Beach understand is that often times, when it comes to seeking outside help in a troubled marriage, there may be one member of the relationship ( or even both parties) who is resistant to meeting with a counselor to discuss their problems.

We get that, we really do and it is very difficult to try and convince the stuborn part of the equation to change their mind and open up to a complete stranger.

So, with that in mind, we have started working with a great orgaanization that has a program that will work wonders in your marriage and you can take part in it from the comfort of your own home and despite the fact that your partner may not want to try and fix things.

These great folks are here to help and I’ve included one of their really great articles in this post so you can get tot know them a bit better:

3 Keys To Transform Your Marriage

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are supposed to live ‘happily ever after’. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood’s long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has ‘fallen out of love’?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

If you can’t wait a moment longer, check out Save My Marriage Today for answers by Clicking Here!

The fact is we know surprisingly little, and from the moment we say “I do,” we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. We don’t get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Some say if we don’t make mistakes we don’t really learn, but what do those mistakes cost us, and is the cost too high for some couples?

That’s why I have 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let’s call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I’m talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling unappreciated? Don’t make love as much as you used to? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner? Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

* The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
* The issue is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind may be that you are being invited into making a greater contribution into coupledom.
* The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needing to feel validated in the relationship

If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

The second key to transforming your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. It’s okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don’t always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with it. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope that it will all go away?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we are called into as a couple is finding that solution together. Make a list of things that you have learnt since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.



The third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Just because your partner views something different to you doesn’t make them wrong, and the same goes for you. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things. For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where a woman may focus more on the emotional process as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it’s up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

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How to Stop a Divorce When Broken Trust Threatens Your Marriage

People decide to divorce their husband or wife for many different reasons, and one of the most prevalent is due to broken trust.
If you’ve been unfaithful to your spouse, you must make some careful decisions as to what you should and shouldn’t say and do.
If you’ve done something wrong, don’t say you can change or try to convince your spouse you can change. The best way to stop a divorce is to step up and accept responsibility.
What you do is more important than what you say. If the problem is based on trust, than cease and desist from committing the acts that caused the lack of trust in the first place.
The fact is you shouldn’t do anything to give your spouse the slightest cause to question your truthfulness.
If your goal is to regain your love’s trust, you must demonstrate your worthiness to receive that trust. It may take a while and the hope is you haven’t hurt them to the point where they’ll never trust you again. You may have crossed the line so often and so severely whereby they’ll never trust you again.
Your actions to remain faithful will convince your spouse that you are able to change. Don’t question the issue that you’ve taken advantage of their trust and don’t attempt to justify your betrayal. Don’t become angry because your spouse has lost their trust in you and don’t try to change their mind. If you caused the problem, step up and own the mess you’ve caused
Perhaps your situation is the opposite and your spouse is guilty of breaking the trust by being unfaithful. Realize how you’d want another chance. Realize where they are coming from and treat them the way you would want to be treated. Do your best to understand why this happened.
In many cases the problem can be resolved, but sometimes it can’t.
Inquire how to stop a divorce by talking to friends who have traveled this same road. Or, better yet, talk to people trained to provide advice and counsel on these situations.
If your partnership is a key part of your life, you must get assistance before a severe break-up becomes your only course of action. Find the best advice possible on how you can strengthen your relationship.
Prepare yourself for unhappiness and even depression caused by this situation that you and your spouse are dealing with. Managing such emotions is not easy and you may require therapy to help you cope with and understand your particular circumstances.
The love you feel for your partner can be a wonderful thing, but such relationships can cause a huge amount of stress when you are dealing with broken trust.
Your primary course of action whey trying to stop a divorce is to obtain qualified help and counsel. You should not try to resolve the problem on your own.

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Break Up?

Had a break up? Avoid wrong advise or suggestions from either friends or strangers. Break ups are times of great stress and tension for both parties involved.Everybody will offer break up advice once you’re hurting, even if they don’t understand what the situation is and what you are talking about. Some people give advice for the sake of giving advice, and some just do it because they want to feel important and authoritative. It's really important to know how to take the advice in the right sense, and make sure you don't get influenced wrongly.

How do you recognize the difference between sensible and dangerous advice? The first thing to try to to is look at the source.

Who is giving you the advice? Is it from a family member who never liked your partner anyway and now looks bent on declaring to you each reason you must haven’t been in the relationship? Is it from a friend that you’ve continuously known was secretly jealous of your relationship?

Did you discover the advice online from a web site concerning break ups where it seemed there were heaps of various opinions and helpful tips? Or did it return from a book or web site by a relationship specialist who offers loads of advice aimed at serving a general concept rahter than tailor suit you

Somebody who didn’t like your ex, didn’t like that you simply were in the link, or may be a little jealous of you for a few reason would possibly offer recommendation that makes them feel better ahbout your break up. Such advice is usually irrational and not meant for you to feel better.

As an example, one of your closest friends may offer you advice and tell you that you throw away everything he ever gave you. And perhaps you’re angry which seems like sensible advice to you. But if you recognize or maybe suspect that the friend would possibly have been jealous of the link, then it’s in all probability unhealthy divide advice.

In a few months once you’re feeling better regarding things, will you be happy concerning having gotten rid of each memento and picture? Most likely not, but the idea of you getting rid of those things would possibly make your friend feel better as a result of you’ll be taking irreversible steps to get rid of something she never thought you must have in the primary place.

Regardless of how much it hurts now, the good times you had in the connection can most likely stay smart memories forever. Therefore obtaining rid of everything may cause you additional pain in the longer term when you want you had that one special image that always created you happy.

Bad advice may also make you rebound badly simply because the person giving the advice may unintentionally be trying to jeaopardize a smooth friendship that may result from a breakup

Of course there will be people who may be giving you the right advice. Once you identify these people feel free to take their advice, and it may help you get over your break up faster than you thought.

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How to avoid a bad breakup

If it is time for you to end your love relationship and you are not sure how to reveal the fact before your partner, here are some tips for avoiding an ugly scene.

It is important for us to realize that not every relationship in this world last a lifetime and it is better to move away before things start getting ugly.



    Don’t break up at a public place:

    While you may have gotten used to the idea of breaking up your girlfriend/boyfriend may need sometime to get used to the idea. So ensure that there’s some privacy when you are breaking up. You wouldn’t want to be a part of an ugly scene or fight and be a spectacle for those at the joint.

    Don’t get into it at your usual hang out:

    Break-ups can be messy, so don’t opt for a place that you are likely to frequent. In case you don’t part of absolutely amicable terms at least people who know you won’t be a witness to any kinds of fight.

    Don’t be too casual:

    Don’t break up while you are doing some mundane task like picking up groceries or chomping on a huge burger. Give your relationship and your partner some respect and plan how you want to go ahead with it.



    Breaking up over sms or email:

    While this may work for some, it may prove to be hara-kiri for others. Those who cannot express themselves may find the options of writing an email or a letter very appealing and it’s not a bad option considering it allows you to elaborate your feelings. Also, it’s prefect for those who prefer to avoid confrontation. Breaking up
over SMS, however, can be highly insensitive. After all 160 characters can’t be enough to end a relationship. However, breaking up over SMS too has its share of fans and has worked for many people.

In all, breaking up can be made graciously so that a beautiful relationship does not come to end with an ugly scene.

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