Change The Way You Think – How To Renew Your Mind

Many people assume that the battle to save a marriage is fought over our actions—i.e., what we say and do.  And no doubt this is partly true.  But that battle begins first in the mind.  If your mind has faulty assumptions or misguided intentions, that’s going to show itself in how you act towards your spouse.  Put another way, what you believe about your marriage has a direct correlation with how you act in your marriage.  Actions always flow out of beliefs, that’s just how it works.

Even in healthy relationships, both spouses are going to have some faulty assumptions and expectations that taint their outlook on each other as husband and wife.   But in a marriage headed for trouble, expectations and beliefs are often severely “out of whack” and need to be addressed more seriously.  This reprogramming of the mind is absolutely essential for any lasting change to occur.

At this point I hear some of you saying…

“But what if my spouse is the one that needs to change?  Doesn’t he need to have his mind reprogrammed?!”

In a word, yes.  But two things to note here –

   1. If you’re honest, it’s likely there are some changes of behavior needed in both of you in order to turn this thing around.
   2. It’s going to be that much easier for your spouse to change the way he thinks and acts when he first sees a change in you!

So regardless of who needs to change more, the change must first start in the mind, and it’s going to start with you.  Okay?

Trust me, once your spouse notices the “new” you—the change in your thinking and behavior, most of the time they’re going to follow suit.

Okay, let’s move on…  Does it sound difficult to change the way you think about your spouse and marriage?  Don’t worry it’s really not – you just need to get some new UMBA’s!

“What the heck is an UMBA”, you say?  I’m glad you asked…  :)

U – Underlying

M – Marital

B – Belief (or)

A – Assumption

Each of us has a number of UMBA’s, some of which are on target and some which are out of whack.  These UMBA’s correlate with how we act towards our spouse.  Since action and behavior always flows out of belief, it’s important that are UMBA’s are grounded in reality and truth.

To that end, the remainder of this section covers most of the common UMBA’s that usually need adjustment in a troubled marriage.

Are you ready to get some new UMBA’s?  Let’s do it!