Slow to Speak, Quick To Listen

Let me share with you a truth from my own marriage that is also true with most of the married couples I’m familiar with:

Regret most often occurs over too many words.

We human beings like to get our point across, don’t we?  Sometimes we go to great lengths to make sure our side of the story is told.  We don’t want to be misrepresented, and we think we’ve somehow earned the right to be heard.  At least I know I often think this way, and I imagine you may as well.

And while there are times to get your point across and tell your side of the story, there are also times to, well, just SHUT UP.  That may sound harsh, and perhaps even be a bit harsh… But the fact remains – we are less likely to say or do something we regret if we talk LESS.

A healthy marriage is a partnership – it’s not a relationship where two people are constantly trying to assert their will over each other.  Strong marriages don’t operate like this!  A healthy marriage is about each spouse truly loving the other…this means trying to please your spouse, to look to his needs before your own, and, yes, even to lay aside your own desires at times.

Let me get real practical here – the next time you’re in some sort of argument with your spouse, commit to biting your tongue.  Anyone can lash out in anger—that’s easy to do.  Unfortunately it gets you nowhere though and usually makes things worse.

If you’re going to err, err on the side of saying too little rather than too much.  Let your spouse accuse you of giving the “cold shoulder” before he or she ever accuses you of abuse.  Cultivate the habit of listening to your spouse.  Note this is not a passive exercise…I’m not merely suggesting you “not talk”, but rather am suggesting you intently try to hear and understand what your spouse is trying to communicate to you.  This will in turn accomplish a few positive things, including the following:

   1. Listening to your spouse will help you better understand and know her.
   2. Listening to your spouse will help you remain calm.
   3. Listening to your spouse will show her that you love and respect her enough not to further your own agenda with your many words.